And The Grammy For Irrelevancy Goes To . . .

The Grammy Awards and the Academy Awards have a few things in common. Both bring out the stars (whether as performers or presenters), the telecasts are lengthy, and the winners turn out to be something or someone you never heard of in the first place.

And that was the case tonight at the 51st Grammy, held at the Staples Center in Los Angeles and televised by CBS. Five of those golden gramophones went to bluegrass chanteuse Alison Krauss and rock legend Robert Plant, including album of the year for "Raising Sand", and record of the year for "Please Read the Letter".

Coldplay, whom many folks thought would take home more awards than they did for the oft-heard "Viva la Vida", got one for song of the year (which goes to the songwriter). It also creates more fodder for guitarist Joe Satriani's lawsuit, in which he claims copyright infringement on the song.

Someone named Adele was named best new artist. After listening to her perform "Chasing Pavements", I now understand why the award usually goes to the artist most likely to disappear into oblivion without anyone noticing.

Jennifer Hudson won for best R&B album, handed to her by none other than Whitney Houston (who needlessly delayed Hudson's moment by delivering a shout-out to record producer Clive Davis, who had won some kind of lifetime-achievement award). Considering what Hudson has gone through the past few months following the murders of her mother, brother and nephew, it's best not to comment any further.

I did not know until after the telecast that Rihanna and Chris Brown had been scheduled to perform on the show, but canceled at the last minute. CNN.com reported that authorities said Brown and another woman were allegedly involved in an argument early that morning in a vehicle. Brown later turned himself in to Los Angeles police. In a later dispatch from the Los Angeles Times (as seen on the Star Tribune's web site), Brown was charged with making felony criminal threats, and that the woman is Rihanna herself.

NARAS president Neil Portnow came out to remind us that President Barack Obama was a Grammy winner, having recorded a spoken-word CD based on one of his books while he was Senator. Portnow also repeated the phrase "yes we can" several times during his remarks. Can we please retire "yes we can"? The President doesn't use it much himself any more.

In three and a half hours, you saw several made-for-TV collaborations between Paul McCartney and members of the Foo Fighters, Stevie Wonder and the Jonas Brothers, and Miley Cyrus and Taylor Swift. What you didn't see were mentions of the more than 100 Grammys (besides the major ones) that were awarded before the CBS telecast began. They now ask you to go to a website if you wanted to know the winners.

There's one more thing Grammy has in common with Oscar: They seem to have an allergic reaction to anything that's remotely considered relevant to the public that buys their music or goes to the multiplex. That's why, as long as albums by Alison Krauss and Robert Plant and films like "No Country For Old Men" win major awards, people will find other things to do besides watching show business people hand out statues to each other .