NOW You Can Call Him Senator Al

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The longest election campaign in Minnesota history is finally over.

Democrat Al Franken has been awarded the U.S. Senate seat by the Minnesota Supreme Court, which ruled 5-0 that his Republican challenger Norm Coleman did not have enough evidence to overturn a 312-vote deficit after the recount. Governor Tim Pawlenty and Secretary of State Mark Ritchie have already signed the necessary papers to make the election official.

It took eight months and two court challenges to convince former Senator Coleman that enough was enough, and concede to Franken. The whole ordeal taxed the patience of Minnesotans, and made the state a political laughingstock (and we haven't even mentioned GOP congresswoman Michele Bachmann).

Since Congress is on its Fourth of July break, Franken won't actually be sworn into the Senate until sometime next week. When that does happen, Franken has said he'll hit the ground running.

The Democrats will now have a veto-proof majority of 60 votes in the Senate. But since certain members have been known to go their own way on certain issues, that may not be a given. All that talk about change in Washington has been drowned out by watered-down bills on climate change and health care, and by Republican hectoring on the sidelines.

Senator-elect Franken needs to understand that, after a rough campaign against Coleman, half of Minnesotans did not vote for him. He has to prove to those people that he is their Senator, too. Otherwise, it could be a long six years.

As for Coleman, he has yet to make any future plans. There is the possibility that he might run for Governor of Minnesota in 2010. After having lost to a pro wrestler and a satirist in past elections, why would he want to do this again?

If this protracted election has taught us something, it's that we need new laws to make sure nothing like this ever happens again.

Franken used to make a living mocking politicians on Saturday Night Live and on the radio. Now that he's joining one of the world's most exclusive clubs, it's his turn to get mocked.

In Case You Missed It

The world does not revolve around Michael Jackson, though if you've been watching the news the past few days, it must seem that way. In the first couple of days since the Moonwalker's death, TV networks--broadcast and cable--devoted most of its newscasts to Jackson's life and showing clips of his videos. And it will continue for the foreseeable future. There's the funeral (should the Jackson family permit coverage), the official cause of death (we're waiting on the toxicology report), what's in the will (if there is one), and who gets the kids.

So, you might be asking, what else was going on in the world?

• The Twitter Rebellion in Iran is pretty much over, with President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad declared the winner in a disputed election. Since no independent media has been allowed in the country in recent weeks, we'll just have to take their word for it.
• North Korea threatens to send a missile Hawaii's way that will make Pearl Harbor seem like a fireworks display.
• U.S. troops are exiting Iraqi cities, to be replaced by the soldiers they trained. Some are wondering if they're up to the job of keeping Baghdad safe.
• Bernie Madoff got 150 years in prison for making himself rich while bankrupting those who believed in him and his money-making scheme. If there's anyone out there who has any sympathy for Madoff, they must be in hiding right now.
• The U.S. Supreme Court ruled 5-4 that white firefighters in New Haven, CT were discriminated against when the city hired minority applicants with lower test scores instead of them. This was a case Supreme Court nominee Sonia Sotomayor helped preside over as an Appeals Court judge, which might end up hurting her chances of getting confirmed by the Senate.
• Joining Jackson in the Great Beyond were: Farrah Fawcett, the "Charlie's Angel" who became better known for That Hair and That Poster than for her acting (which improved after she left "Angels") . . . Billy Mays, the pitchman responsible for half of the infomercials you saw (or slept through) on TV.
• There is a roof at Wimbledon's Centre Court, and they've started to use it whenever raindrops hit the tennis tournament. Does this mean that the Ladies and Gentleman's Singles Finals will eventually be played well past tea time?
• The Minnesota Timberwolves chose Ricky Rubio of Spain as its first choice in the NBA draft. But Rubio may not want to play for a losing team in a cold climate, so the Wolves will probably end up trading him to someplace warm. Why not? It worked for Kobe Bryant.
• The Minnesota Wild have often been accused of ignoring the talent that's right under their noses in the State of Hockey. To remedy that, they took three Minnesota players in the NHL draft, including top pick Nick Leddy of Class AA champion Eden Prairie High School. Leddy will be playing for the University of Minnesota this fall, a school that isn't shy about taking the cream of the state's hockey crop. What they do with them is another matter.

So you are now up to date. Sort of.

What a Governor Did For Love

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Before last week, Governor Mark Sanford of South Carolina was a rising star in the sinking ship that is the Republican Party. He was best known for turning down his state's cut of the money in President Barack Obama's stimulus package, until the courts forced him to take it. As a family-values conservative, Sanford has been mentioned as a possible GOP candidate to take Obama's job in 2012.

Now Sanford has become a national punchline, the latest to be exposed (so to speak) as another high-ranking male politician--Republican or Democrat--who couldn't keep his pants on. And you can also forget the White House run.

After days of pulling a disappearing act and offering the creative excuse of hiking in the mountains, the married Sanford finally admitted in a news conference that he really spent time in Argentina with a woman who has since been identified as TV producer Maria Blelen Chopur. Their relationship was verified with the release of e-mails the Governor wrote, whose passages read like they came from a bad romance novel.

There are some serious questions to ponder about Sanford's alleged indiscretion. What would have happened if South Carolina were hit by some kind of crisis, and nobody in state government knew of the Governor's whereabouts? If this had happened with the President of the United States, a Constitutional crisis would have erupted.

What about Sanford's family, which includes four children? According to reports, First Lady Jenny Sanford didn't know of her husband's sojourn to Argentina, but she does know about the relationship. She said she had previously turned down his requests to see his mistress, which begs the question: When you're having an affair, do you really need permission to pursue it from the wife? The Sanfords have reportedly separated.

For the time being, Mark Sanford is still the governor of South Carolina. Whether or not he eventually leaves that job, the damage has been done to his family, career and reputation. All because he met a woman named Maria.

Michael Jackson: The End of HIStory

Michael Jackson via last.fm

Michael Jackson, whether he was the King of Pop or the King of Weird, commanded our attention during his lifetime--for better or worse.

It started at age 11, as lead singer of the Jackson 5, when Michael and his brothers landed four consecutive singles ("ABC", "I Want You Back", "The Love You Save" and "I'll Be There") on top of the Billboard pop charts. As the clips from The Ed Sullivan Show and Dick Clark's American Bandstand showed, Michael was a born performer. But he didn't have much of a childhood.

When Jackson went solo, he became one of the biggest superstars in the world. Albums such as Off The Wall, Bad and Thriller set records for sales that may never be equalled. The Moonwalk was introduced on a Motown TV special. Videos for "Billie Jean", "Beat It" and "Thriller" almost singlehandedly put MTV on the map.

As Jackson's music career receded, his bizarre personal life took center stage. He married and divorced Lisa Marie Presley (Elvis' daughter), He married and divorced Debbie Rowe, the mother of two of his children. He reportedly used hyperbolic chambers and wore masks in public. He had numerous surgeries that realigned his face and his skin color. There were allegations of child molestation, which he either settled out of court or was acquitted in a sensational trial. The legal costs that resulted forced Jackson to leave his beloved Neverland ranch.

Then, in the midst of preparing for a comeback concert tour, Michael Jackson died suddenly of cardiac arrest at age 50. TV networks cleared their schedules to present coverage of Jackson's body being transported by a Los Angeles police helicopter from one hospital to another. Millions watched as the body, draped in a white blanket, was moved into a van that would take him to the coroner's office for an autopsy.

Grotesque imagery aside, we need to know this about Michael Jackson. He was a hell of an entertainer with dance moves that will be imitated for as long as there is music. But he was also a screwed-up individual who never really crossed the threshold into adulthood, and that made him hard to like. And now he's out of our lives.

There Goes Ed McMahon

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Ed McMahon, who died at the age of 86 Tuesday, had a varied career in television. But he was best known for his association with Johnny Carson, which lasted 35 years.

From a game show called Who Do You Trust? in the 1950s to the Tonight Show, McMahon was always the setup man for Carson, making his boss look good whether he needed it or not. He would introduce the show, laugh the loudest during Carson's monologue, play straight man during sketches (which included repeating everything Carnac the Magnificent would say), then move down the couch when the guests were introduced.

McMahon set the standard for the late-night sidekick to the point where the job became obsolete. You'll notice that on David Letterman's and Jay Leno's shows, the only other person they seem to have nightly chats with is the bandleader. And they're not even invited on the couch.

McMahon had done a little bit of everything in TV besides his stint with Carson. Among other things, he did game shows, talent contests (Star Search), beauty pageants, and TV's Bloopers and Practical Jokes with Dick Clark. And he acted in a few movies, mostly playing himself.

Thanks to his early career hawking products on the Atlantic City boardwalk to pay for college, McMahon turned into quite the pitchman. He sold everything on TV from dog food to life insurance to mail-order sweepstakes. He didn't need to scream and shout to get your attention.

Ed McMahon was one of those people you've seen your entire life on TV in one form or another, and you never gave it a second thought. Well, he isn't here any more. So let's all give a hearty Hiyooooo to America's Sidekick.

The Joke That Wasn't

Much has been made about late-night host David Letterman apologizing--twice--to Alaska Governor Sarah Palin regarding a joke he made about her teenaged daughters, 14-year old Willow and 18-year-old Bristol. Something about having sex with Rudy Giuliani and baseball star Alex Rodriguez.

Yes, Letterman should have gotten the facts about which daughter the Governor took to Yankee Stadium in New York for a baseball game before making a joke like that. He needs a fact-checker on his "Late Show" staff.

But let's not let Governor Palin off the hook. The former vice-presidential candidate has proven herself to be a self-serving politician, using her family to elicit sympathy from conservatives and others who think Dave is just a dirty old man.

Since John McCain plucked Palin out of obscurity and into the 2008 White House sweepstakes, she has been portrayed in the media--correctly, it turns out--as a rifle-totin' mama from the frozen tundra with a limited view of the world.

Had Palin remained anonymous outside Alaska, we would never have heard about Bristol getting pregnant by her boyfriend, in spite of the Republican governor's anti-abortion views. Or the way the family has been used as a prop on the campaign trail.

Today, Bristol tours the country preaching about the wonders of abstinence in a "do as I say, not as I do" manner, since she is now a mother, Meanwhile, her now ex-boyfriend has also been on TV, publicly seeking some form of custody and telling anyone who'll listen that abstinence doesn't work.

Sarah Palin's kids did not ask to be in the public spotlight any more than President Barack Obama's kids or Jon and Kate Gosselin's. Because of their parents' actions, it's too late to be put back into the box. But they can try to limit their exposure.

As for Letterman and his brethren, it's getting harder and harder to tell a joke without offending someone or some group. (Have you noticed that some comedians are still having problems getting a handle on President Obama?) Every time someone has to apologize, that's another nail in the coffin of comedy. You can't live your life without having a sense of humor. There's enough sadness in the world as it is.

Five Minnesota Teams And Where We Stand

Minnesota's pro sports teams have been in and out of the spotlight the last few weeks, and only two of them are actually playing. A recap:

• The Twins, with their mediocre pitching and lightswitch offense (that is, it's either on or off), should consider themselves fortunate to be only two games back (as of Wednesday) of the Detroit Tigers in the American League Central division. Joe Mauer, Justin Morneau and Joe Nathan are doing just fine, thanks. But they need to do something about Francisco Liriano, who has turned into an ordinary pitcher since having Tommy John surgery, and Delmon Young, who has become a liability on the field and at the plate. Otherwise, they'll be out of the race by August.
• As ESPN keeps reminding us, it's only a matter of time before the Vikings finally get Brett Favre to sign on the dotted line. The only remaining stumbling blocks are: How effective is Favre's arm since he had surgery on it? Does he really want to do this? If this charade lasts much longer, Favre will be more likely to end up on "Dancing With The Stars" than on the football field.
• The Wild have hired Todd Richards, who--unlike most of his new players--actually hails from the State of Hockey, as their new head coach. Richards came highly recommended, having been an assistant with the San Jose Sharks. But he's never been a head coach in the NHL, so we won't know what to expect until the puck drops in October.
• After 15 years, Kevin McHale no longer has anything to do with the Timberwolves, having been let go as coach by the man who replaced him in the front office, David Kahn. Yes, McHale had success with Kevin Garnett, Stephon Marbury and Sam Cassell for awhile. More often than not, though, there were too many bad trades and draft choices to over come for Kahn not to make a change. The next coach he chooses will likely be an NBA retread who's either unemployed or working in TV. Still, it must have been painful to part ways with owner Glen Taylor's old pal. But it needed to be done for the sake of the franchise.
• Let's not forget the WNBA Lynx, who have a 4-2 record in the Western division, a half-game back of the Phoenix Lifelock--er, Mercury (the league now allows teams to sell ad space on its jerseys). They have a new coach in Jennifer Gillom, who replaced Don Zierden when he bolted days before the season started to join Flip Saunders' staff in Washington. They have players such as Seimone Augustus, Candice Wiggins, Kelly Miller, and rookie Renee Montgomery ready to take this team to the playoffs for the first time since--say, does anybody remember? However, the Lynx do face a major roadblock because Augustus sprained her knee during their 104-80 loss in Phoenix Wednesday night.

The Iranian Elections: Sound Familiar?

Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad won re-election over his main rival, Mir Hossein Mousavi, by an overwhelming margin. Outside the government's official tally, however, no one believes it was that overwhelming.

Hundreds of thousands of Mousavi's supporters took to the streets of Tehran, believing that dirty politics and voter fraud have robbed their candidate of his rightful place as the next Iranian president. The government has responded with violent crackdowns (killing seven demonstrators), restricting Web access (though Twitter has been able to get through), and kicking the foreign media out of the country.

Silly people. Don't they know that whoever they elect as their president is a figurehead beholden to the ayatollahs who actually run the country? Nevertheless, the clerics say they'll look into the charges, but the outcome isn't likely to change.

The only reason anyone pays attention to Ahmadinejad is that, in a volatile part of the world, he's been known to make provocative statements. He's deliberately vague about Iran's nuclear program. He wants to blow Israel off the map. And he's a Holocaust skeptic.

Ahmadinejad bears a resemblance to another leader who ruled by fear, advised by a power behind the throne, says outrageous things, and managed to keep himself in power through smear tactics. If you need a hint, that leader was George W. Bush.

Come to think of it, what's happening in Iran right now is not much different than what happened in the United States during the 2000 and 2004 presidential elections. Except for the demonstrations. Americans are too meek for that.

For now, Mahmoud Ahmadinejad is still the President of Iran. His detractors around the world will just have to deal with it.

Two Champions

The NBA and NHL titles were decided over the weekend. Both went to the biggest marquee player the league has.

Lakers Win NBA Championship

Kobe Bryant has finally proved he could win an NBA title without the help (or is it hindrance?) of Shaquille O'Neal, leading the Los Angeles Lakers to a 99-86 win over the Orlando Magic, taking the series four games to one. Bryant left behind his Hannibal Lecter scowl long enough to score 30 points, and was rewarded with the league's playoff MVP trophy, which has been named for Bill Russell.

This is the Lakers' 15th championship in franchise history (including titles won in Minneapolis), and the fourth this decade, rivaling the NFL New England Patriots for Team of the Decade honors.

Lakers coach Phil Jackson reached a milestone of his own, surpassing the Boston Celtics' Red Auerbach with ten career NBA championships. But there will always be controversy because, with players like Bryant, Shaq and Michael Jordan, Jackson didn't really have to do much coaching. How would he have done with ordinary players?

As for the Magic, who were outplayed and outclassed by the Lakers during the series: Well, at least we got to know Dwight Howard.

Penguins Take Stanley Cup

Instead of the Detroit Red Wings becoming the first team in a decade to win consecutive Stanley Cup championships when they themselves did it, the Pittsburgh Penguins became the seventh different NHL champion this decade. After the home team won the first six games of the series, the Penguins went into Detroit's Joe Louis Arena--with Muhammad Ali in attendance--and beat the Red Wings 2-1 in Game 7.

Sidney Crosby of the Penguins, picking up where Mario Lemieux left off, wasn't much of a factor in Game 7 after he took a hit that sidelined him for half the game. Teammate Evgeni Malkin took up some of the slack, resulting in his being named the Conn Smythe trophy winner for most valuable player during the playoffs. And the goaltending (save for Game 5. a 5-0 shutout by Detroit) by Chris Osgood of the Red Wings and Marc-Andre Fleury of the Penguins was what you'd expect in big-game situations.

And Marion Hossa, who left the Penguins to join the Red Wings because he thought they had a better shot at the Stanley Cup, bet on the wrong horse again.

Two observations:

• The practice of home teams wearing dark jerseys and road teams wearing white needs to stop. It was ludicrous to watch Mellon Arena in Pittsburgh being filled by Penguins fans who wore white to support their team, even though the home team was wearing black and the Red Wings were wearing white.
• With the digital TV switch, those of us with cable and satellite shouldn't be forced to buy over-the-air converter boxes just so we could watch hockey on NBC without seeing players skate around in what looks like a sea of New England clam chowder. That's what it looked like watching KARE's high-definition signal on an analog TV without letterboxing. They'd better fix the problem before the Winter Olympics next February. Anyone care to see skiers and figure skaters in a fog of white?

Seat Belts Don't Always Save Lives

In Minnesota, it has been illegal not to be wearing your seat belt, whether you're driving or not. Thanks to recent legislation, cops can now pull you over, issue you a ticket, and fine you 25 bucks if you're not buckled up. It's intended for the small percentage of those folks who believe "Click It Or Ticket" is just a suggestion.

Laws like this were created because the federal government has millions of dollars in highway funds ready to be given away to states, but won't release them unless the states pass laws that restrict people's behavior on the road. That's why we also have laws telling you not to smoke in the car, and to keep those brats of yours in the back strapped into bulky child seats.

Seat belts have been a proven factor in the survival rate of thousands of accident victims every year. The problem is that they have been oversold by law enforcement and their friends in the news media as the be-all and end-all of safety on the road. They're not.

People who drive drunk, speed and/or text-message behind the wheel are a far greater danger on the road than not buckling up. If you happen to run into any of them, seat belts aren't going to be of much use to you.

We always hear about the number of folks whose lives were saved while wearing seat belts in an accident. What about the ones who lost their lives, even though they were buckled up? Oh, I'm sorry. That information is classified.

The law enforcement official or hospital staffer who claims "I've never had to unbuckle the belt of a dead person" is either spouting the company line, or that person hasn't been on the job long enough.

(We're just wondering. Of the 13 people who perished when the 35W bridge in Minneapolis collapsed in 2007, how many of them were wearing their seat belts?)

Law enforcement and the news media need to be honest with people about the risks and benefits of wearing a seat belt, instead of just threatening them with tickets, fines and possible jail time. They also need to step up on the prosecution of those who cause accidents in the first place.

Just so you know, I wear my seat belt religiously, whether I'm driving or not (which, if you choose to write about topics like this, sounds like a mandatory disclaimer). But I have no illusions that being buckled is going to save me in case of an accident. There's no substitute for being careful out there.

Third Time's Not The Charm For Governor Pawlenty

Minnesota Governor Tim Pawlenty has said he's not running for a third term in 2010. What he didn't say was whether he'd run for President on the Republican ticket in 2012. He'll leave that stuff to the talk show pundits.

Which is just as well. By not running, Pawlenty is depriving the people he's helped screw over with his "no new taxes" agenda of the pleasure of voting him out of office. That strategy makes him look good in the eyes of the GOP, especially when he starts kissing up to the de facto leader of the party, which would be Rush Limbaugh.

So far as his constituents are concerned, Pawlenty has turned Minnesota from a state that is one of the most livable in the nation into a broken-down backwater people want to get away from if they could.

Now that he doesn't have to care what happens to his state, the Governor can turn his attention to fixing the budget mess all by himself, using a device called "unallotment" to cut billions from programs he considers unnecessary money-eaters. Things like, you know, public safety and health care. Don't need those. And he's not taking advice from the DFL-controlled Legislature, who tried to pass funding bill after funding bill before bowing to the Almighty Pawlenty's veto pen.

While Pawlenty tilts at the windmills against the Huckabees, Romneys and Palins of the world, someone else will be filling his chair beginning in 2011. Speculation has centered on DFL legislators such as John Marty and Margaret Anderson Kelliher, mayors R.T. Rybak of Minneapolis and Chris Coleman of St. Paul. For the Republicans, Norm Coleman could be the man if he loses his legal battle to keep his Senate seat and bows out gracefully. Then again, any one of them could be upstaged by a novelty act who captures the voters' fancy. Another Jesse Ventura, anyone?

Whoever that person is, the next Governor is bound to be an improvement over the current one, keeping his/her national political ambitions in check while making the state livable once again.

GM and Chrysler Come In For Repairs

General Motors, that stalwart of American industry, has filed for Chapter 11 bankruptcy. Chrysler, already in that situation, is selling itself to Italian automaker Fiat. Guess all that money from the government couldn't keep them from delaying the inevitable.

Both companies will be getting rid of a few things to become solvent once more: executives, dealers, brands, factories, and whatever cachet they once had with the average car buyer. Oh wait, they lost that a long time ago.

It's no big secret that the Detroit-based automakers were headed in this direction. With so many people out of work, few could afford new wheels. Those who could found the quality of the product wanting, compared to the ones coming from Japan, Germany and elsewhere. Aren't those SUVs supposed to be out of style as oil gets more expensive, and the climate is turning warmer?

Actually, there have been attempts by Washington to mandate fuel efficiency standards, and to develop cars that run on alternative sources. But the lobbyists kept stalling and stalling until the mandates were rendered meaningless. All we have to show for it are hybrids, ethanol, and "Drill, Baby, Drill".

Thanks to generous union contracts, factory workers were well-taken care of both on the production lines and in retirement. Now the remaining workers are going to earn something close to minimum wage with a substantial reduction of benefits--just like the rest of us.

GM, Chrysler, and even Ford, have a long way to go before they become relevant again in the eyes of Wall Street and Main Street. They've got to. In order to justify the ownership stake We the People now hold in these companies, the least they can do is to build a car worth driving.