2007: The Laundry List

As 2007 reaches the end of the road, let's take a glance back at our collective rear view mirror before going down that new stretch of road marked 2008 (in that new hybrid, of course). Watch for falling bridges, however.

This was the year . . .

• American soldiers continued to die in Iraq, though the troop "surge" President Bush's lackey General David Petraeus championed resulted in fewer casualties, if not more peace.
• The War on Terror took a nasty turn, with the turmoil in crucial U.S. ally Pakistan reaching new depths with the assassination of former Prime Minister Benazir Bhutto.
• People were horrified to discover that the Democratic majority in Congress they voted for turned out to be as spineless as conservative talk-show blowhards had claimed, bowing down to a supposedly lame-duck president.
• Karl Rove, Tony Snow and Alberto Gonzales (among others) left their jobs as White House apologists.
• The CIA destroys videotapes of torturing suspected terrorists for fear of identifying agents, while having no problem wrecking Valerie Plame's career. Meanwhile, designated fall guy "Scooter" Libby sat in prison for awhile before being released.
• Plans for a war with Iran had to be postponed for lack of evidence that they had a nuclear weapons program.
• Virginia Tech, a school in Cleveland and a mall in Omaha became the next Columbines.
• Thanks to an Idaho senator using a Twin Cities airport men's room, we found out more about "wide stances" that we ever wanted to know.
• Al Gore won an Oscar and a Nobel Peace Prize.
• It was possible for an animated snowman to ask questions at a presidential debate.
• O.J. Simpson returned to the courtroom, and his book was actually published.
• Paris Hilton, Lindsay Lohan and Nicole Richie went to jail, if only for a few minutes.
• Britney Spears made a spectacle of herself. Now her pregnant 16-year old sister is following in her footsteps.
• Kids still read books, even if it was Harry Potter.
• Striking writers threatened to kill the TV season.
• Amy Winehouse could only stay out of rehab for so long.
• Parents broke the bank so their daughters could watch Miley Cyrus sang as both herself and as her TV character Hannah Montana in concert.
• Notre Dame football was no longer must-see TV.
• Boston became the new city of champions, sometimes at Minnesota's expense.
• David Beckham was seen as the second coming of soccer in America. Uh, no. But his wife's old group, the Spice Girls, reunited.
• Players on a men's lacrosse team and a women's basketball team had their lives ruined by false accusations.
• Barry Bonds answered the question: What if somebody broke a cherished sports record and nobody (outside of San Francisco) cheered?
• New Gophers football coach Tim Brewster made people nostalgic for the glory days of Glen Mason and Music City Bowl appearances.
• Kevin Garnett was the difference between a Timberwolves team worth watching and one that wasn't.
• The NHL's TV ratings spike when a violent incident makes the evening news.
• Michelle Wie decide to quit playing in men's tournaments.
• A major newspaper was bought by an investment group, which then proceeded to fire most of its staff, hired an executive who stole secrets from the competitor he was leaving, and shortchanged its readers in news coverage.
• Cable providers could claim that they offer every sport there is, except for the games people really wanted to see.
• Norman Mailer, Kurt Waldheim, Anna Nicole Smith, Merv Griffin, Evel Knievel, Jerry Falwell, Luciano Pavarotti, Tammy Faye Bakker-Messner, Art Buchwald, Kurt Vonnegut, Joey Bishop, David Halberstam, Molly Ivins, Boris Yeltsin, Bowie Kuhn, Ingmar Bergman, Bill Walsh, Eddie Robinson, Phil Rizzuto, Don Chevrier and Gump Worsley died.

Now let's see where 2008 takes us. Happy New Year.

The 35W Bridge: Building a Mystery*

As the snow falls on another Minnesota winter, construction continues on the new 35W Bridge in Minneapolis, replacing the one that fell down on August 1, killing 13 people and injuring many more. It'll be ready by this time next year, so we're told. That's remarkably speedy for this kind of a project.

What we still don't know is . . . Well, there are a lot of things we don't know, for one reason or another:

• Why the construction outfit chosen to rebuild the bridge is from Colorado. Is it because they came cheap, or because someone thought they could do a better job?
• Why there are two separate investigations looking into the collapse: One by a law firm hand picked by Minnesota Governor Tim Pawlenty working with the National Transportation Safety Board, the other an outside firm chosen by the state Legislature. Expect sanitized results by the time the Republican convention comes to St. Paul next September.
• Why the Governor and Legislature chose to use its special session to fund victims of the floods that hit southeastern Minnesota (some of whom are still waiting for their money) instead of approving stipends for bridge collapse victims.
• Why Lieutenant Governor Carol Molnau is allowed to continue moonlighting as state Transportation Secretary.
• Why Sophia Morphew Pitt, director of emergency management for MnDOT, stayed on the East Coast for days after the bridge collapse.
• Why Rich Stanek, Hennepin County sheriff, thought it was a good idea to appear in a $30,000 training video about the bridge collapse intended for so-called "first responders" that seemed to be all about himself.
• Why WCCO-TV news anchor Don Shelby agreed to narrate the video in the first place, claiming he wasn't paid for it. It makes Mr. Objective Journalist look like a major suck-up.
• Why Governor Pawlenty continues to oppose transportation bills aimed at improving not only the new bridge, but other roads and bridges in dire need of repair. Is he that beholden to the Minnesota I-Don't-Wanna-Pay-My-Taxes League, which helped get him elected in the first place?
• Why the federal government is stalling on funding. Oh wait. That's no mystery. President Bush wanted (and got) more money from a spineless Congress to continue paying for his wars in Iraq, Afghanistan, and on the American people.
• Why, with all the missed warning signs and government officials doing a heckuva job, is the 35w bridge collapse a depressing reminder of Hurricane Katrina's aftermath.
• Why we continue to tolerate this.

*Apologies to Sarah McLachlan.

Politics '08--Holiday Edition

We are two weeks away from the caucuses in Iowa and the primaries in New Hampshire. How are the presidential candidates holding up? First, the Democrats:

Barack Obama--Leading in Iowa, even though we just watched an NBC News report (see MSNBC's website) implying that he's kind of wishy-washy when it comes to the issues and his past voting record. It says a lot about Obama's campaign when OPRAH WINFREY threatens to overwhelm it, making him look like Steadman's younger brother by comparison.

Hillary Clinton--Leads Democrats overall, but is no longer as invincible as she seemed a few weeks ago. She needs to be less of a Robo-candidate and more like a human being who just happens to be running for President. Oh, and keeping her husband in line might help, too.

John Edwards--He's in third place at the moment, and his numbers are improving. But is is already too late to buck the Obama-Clinton logjam?

Now, the Republicans:

Mike Huckabee--The new leader in Iowa, trading on his aw-shucks personality. But what will probably do him in is that he's a holy roller who disses President Bush, and you just can't do that in the GOP.

Rudy Giuliani--He was hospitalized in St. Louis for flu-like symptoms, then released. But the secretive way this matter was handled by his campaign raises questions about whether the country needs another stonewalling President. Giuliani's poll numbers have also taken a turn for the worse. Once the runaway leader, he is now tied with Mitt Romney at 20 percent, according to the NBC News-Wall Street Journal poll.

John McCain--He's picked up endorsements from the Des Moines Register and the Boston Globe, as well as one from alleged Democrat Joe Lieberman. The lull in the fighting in Iraq is helping McCain's cause at the moment.

Fred Thompson--Is he still in the race? Arthur Branch lasted longer than this.

One more thing: We saw an ad for Fox News Channel in the trade magazine Broadcasting and Cable comparing their debate coverage with CNN's. In it, they placed quotes from major publications citing CNN for the poor job they did, alongside glowing blurbs for the hard-hitting questions Fox News asked the candidates, Admittedly, CNN's coverage was sloppy, but at least they're bipartisan. You can't do a "fair and balanced" comparison when the Democratic candidates refused to debate on Fox News.

Late Night Without a Net (Or a Clue)

The Writers Guild of America has been walking the picket lines for six weeks now in their stalemate with TV networks and movie studios over how much they want to get paid in that new media world of the future. In the here and now, those in the rank and file who work in late night TV are starting to chafe.

Jay Leno, Conan O'Brien and Jimmy Kimmel are all returning to the air January 2 minus their writing staffs, citing the need to get all of those poor people who would have been on the unemployment lines if the talk show hosts hadn't been supporting them out of their own pockets back to work.

David Letterman wants to go back to work too, so he's negotiating with the WGA as an independent producer to secure the use of his writing staff for "Late Show" and the Craig Ferguson program that follows on CBS. If the WGA agrees to this, are they shooting themselves in the foot?

When the talk shows do go back on the air, what Hollywood stars plugging their latest project would dare cross the picket lines? Will the networks have their collective hands on the button when the hosts take shots at them in support of the writers?

Elsewhere, Entertainment Weekly's website reports that the WGA has declined a request by Dick Clark Productions and the people responsible for the Golden Globes for a waiver to use writers for the awards telecast. So anyone tuning in NBC that night can expect to see not only empty chairs and lame, improvised banter, but also presenters forced to tell viewers that "So and so could not be here tonight, so we'll accept this award on their behalf".

It's also possible that, the longer the strike goes, the same thing might happen to the Academy Awards. And unless Jon Stewart likes to improvise, he might not be hosting the Oscars.

As we prepare for a TV schedule made up of American Idol, Big Brother 9, The Biggest Loser and Supernanny, we have a question for you: Have you done your holiday shopping yet? Now might be a good time to stock up on DVDs of TV shows and movies you may have missed. Do we really need to tell you why?

Not Another Diablo Cody Article

Minnesotans, particularly the ones in the local media, have an obsession with claiming anyone who has made a name on the world stage, whether that person was born here or spent a few minutes here. Bob Dylan, Garrison Keillor and Walter Mondale are examples of those who grew up here before becoming famous. Hubert Humphrey, Kevin Garnett and Mary Tyler Moore were born somewhere else, but made their names here.

These days, it's all about Diablo Cody, who has just picked up a Golden Globe nomination for writing the screenplay for the film Juno. The Chicago-born writer and blogger (real name Brook Busey-Hunt) spent a few years in Minnesota working as a stripper, which she parlayed into a blog and later a memoir titled Candy Girl: A Year in The Life of an Unlikely Stripper before moving to the bright lights of Hollywood. If you've read any of the articles, you already know that.

Juno, which is about a teenager's unplanned pregnancy, has been getting rave reviews from nearly every movie critic there is. But it also tells us a lot about supposedly liberal Hollywood's
attitude toward the subject of abortion. Are they as ambivalent about it as the rest of us are, or are they kowtowing to the Religious Right?

Being in Minnesota, we're getting plenty of articles about Cody in the local newspapers, magazines and websites. If there hadn't been a writers' strike, she'd be on every late-night TV show. In addition to all the screenplays Cody is working on and all the connections she's made (Steven Spielberg?), she's added a gig as columnist for Entertainment Weekly.

We're not here to be jealous of Diablo Cody's success. We've read her articles in City Pages, and found them to be original, funny and not as self-important as the rest of the paper is at times. Most of all, Cody is an inspiration to people who churn out poorly written blogs like this one.

But isn't Cody in danger of overexposure, personally and professionally? Hollywood, as we all know, is the kind of town that chews you up and spits you out. It can even take a toll on marriages, as Cody announced the breakup of hers on her website.

Only time will tell if Cody reaches the heights of Keillor, F. Scott Fitzgerald, Sinclair Lewis and other famous Minnesota authors. We're not putting that kind of pressure on her, are we?

Mitchell's List

Former Senator George Mitchell delivered his long-awaited (and long-dreaded in some quarters) report on the use of performance-enhancing substances in Major League Baseball. We've known for some time that this was happening. What we didn't know was who was allegedly using steroids and growth hormones for career purposes.

Wonder no more. Besides names that have come up in previous investigations (Barry Bonds and Mark McGwire), current players such as Roger Clemens (whose attorney disputes the inclusion), Andy Pettite and Miguel Tejada made Mitchell's list.

What's telling here is that, according to Mitchell, there would have been a lot more names on the list if only the players, their attorneys and the union that represents them had agreed to cooperate in the investigation. But with no subpoena powers, the former Senator must have felt fortunate to get as much information as he could.

Mitchell did not recommend any type of punishment for the players that were named in the report. He left that up to MLB commissioner Bud Selig, who said he's going to step up the drug testing (which was one of the recommendations) and decide on some kind of disclipinary action depending on the player. Provided, of course, that Selig reads the report first. All 409 pages of it.

Does this really change things in baseball? Probably not. Attendance went up at major league parks this past season, but TV ratings for the World Series dropped to record lows. You can't blame steroids for that. It just proves that we still want to see the long ball. And if the guys who hit and pitch them look more like Frankenstein monsters than normal human beings, so much the better.

The only question is what will happen to the record books. If Marion Jones is forced to give back her Olympic track medals and the NCAA takes away a university's national championship because of recruiting violations, Major League Baseball, if they're truly serious about cleaning up the sport, can put an eraser to a player's record and deny him admittance to the Hall of Fame. That's what you get for better athletic careers through chemistry.

"Those Who Cannot Remember The Past . . .": Did Paris Hilton Say That?

In October 1962, President John F. Kennedy announced on TV that the Soviet Union had, based on reconnaissance photos, been building nuclear missiles and bomber bases in Cuba, ninety miles away from the United States. The President ordered a blockade of Cuba, leading to a standoff that was thisclose to launching nuclear war. A week later, Soviet Premier Nikita Khruschev agreed to remove the bases. World destruction had been postponed.

In December 2007, White House Press Secretary Dana Perino goes on a National Public Radio show called Wait, Wait . . . Don't Tell Me and admitted that she didn't know anything about the Cuban Missile Crisis.

We assume Perino's lack of knowledge stems from the fact that she was born in 1972, according to Wikipedia. Had things turned out differently, the events of 9/11/01 would have been nothing compared to a nuclear war between the United States and the Soviet Union. Millions, not thousands, would have been dead

Of course, in Perino's world, JFK may have been the father of Senator Ted Kennedy of Massachusetts. But they're both Democrats, so they don't count, right? And the Soviet Union? Didn't JK Rowling write a Harry Potter book about that?

It's not news that the Bush administration is filled with people who keep getting themselves (and us) into trouble. That's why we have wars in Iraq, Afghanistan, and possibly Iran. That's also why civil liberties are being eroded in the wake of 9/11, stem cell research is stifled, climate change is ignored, and so on down the line.

What's also at work here is the dumbing down of American history. Budget cuts and "No Child Left Behind" have caused schools to cut back on teaching history, meaning that Jhonny and Jaine have something in common with Perino. They don't know much about the Cuban Missile Crisis, either.

So where have we been getting our history from these days? The Civil War, jazz and World War II have been covered by Ken Burns. Steven Spielberg did a movie about the Holocaust. David McCullough wrote books on John Adams and Harry Truman. Slavery was chronicled by Alex Haley. Doris Kearns Goodwin authored tomes on Abraham Lincoln and Franklin Roosevelt. You get the idea.

You would think that anyone who works in the White House would have a working knowledge of American history. Unfortunately, the man they work for has a tendency of saying "nucular" instead of nuclear, started a war based on false evidence of weapons of mass destruction (the current euphemism), and claims to be out of the loop on certain issues. It just rubs off.

TV's Endless Summer

Talks have broken off between the Writers Guild of America and the Alliance of Motion Picture and Television Producers (AMPTP). The sticking point is over future revenues from the Internet and any kind of new media to come. No new talks are planned. With the strike entering its second month, this has been the fallout:

• The TV season has, for all intents and purposes, been killed. Scripted shows have been (or will soon be) running out of episodes. Shows like "Cavemen" and "Bionic Woman" that didn't deserve a second chance will probably get one next fall, once the strike is settled. The networks are filling their schedules with reality shows (meaning "American Idol" will be number one by default), game shows and newsmagazines.
• The late-night talk shows have been in reruns since the strike began. Only one, Carson Daly, has gone back on without writers. The rest--Jay Leno, David Letterman, Conan O'Brien and Jimmy Kimmel--are paying their laid-off staffers out of their own pockets. One has to wonder how their absence (and that includes Jon Stewart, Stephen Colbert and "Saturday Night Live") is affecting the presidential campaign, given that some people have been getting their news from the late-night monologues.
• Speaking of politics, CBS had to cancel a debate between the Democratic candidates because they refused to cross picket lines. Writers from the news division, which covers radio and television, have voted to authorize a strike.
• The possibility that the longer the strike goes, the more likely it is that local stations will be pre-empting network programming for movies and syndicated reruns. Infomercials in prime time? Could happen.

Right now the writers, networks and movie studios don't care that you're suffering through reruns, reality and the lack of jokes about Oprah supporting Obama. There's something more important going on here, and it's going to affect every man, woman and child in Couch Potato Nation.

It's about survival.

Another Desert Showdown Averted?

The National Intelligence Estimate (NIE), a classified summary of 16 intelligence agencies' analysis, reports that Iran stopped its nuclear weapons program in 2003. Not only does this fly in the face of the war-mongering rhetoric the White House has been spewing out lately, but it seems to justify Tehran's long-held claim that they are using their nuclear program for civilian use.

President George W. Bush, whose own intelligence is sometimes questioned, isn't having any of it. He told a news conference Tuesday that nothing has changed between the two countries, and has called on the international community to continue its sanctions against Iran.

The President even claimed that the NIE said Iran could have a hidden system of weapons. Given that the report is mostly classified, we have no way of knowing whether the assertion is true or not.

The United States has had contentious relations with Iran ever since the Shah was replaced by ayatollahs, which led to 52 Americans held as hostages in their own embassy for 444 days. More recently, the concern is over a loose cannon of a president named Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, who has said the Holocaust never happened and wants to nuke Israel. He also considered the NIE report a victory for his country.

The NIE report makes President Bush look like a reckless fool, given his past statements that a nuclear Iran could lead to World War III. Now the chances of a war between the U.S. and Iran have decreased significantly. But that doesn't mean Bush and/or Vice President Dick Cheney won't find an excuse to attack Tehran, just like they did with Iraq., then stick the rest of the war on whomever succeeds them.

And you don't need an intelligence estimate to tell you that.

Apologies and Eulogies In The Morning

Don Imus returned to the airwaves Monday morning on New York's WABC-AM, broadcasting from a local theater. Imus spent 15 minutes apologizing for the umpteenth time for the racially insensitive (not to mention unfunny) remarks about the Rutgers women's basketball team, which got him fired from his previous jobs at CBS Radio and MSNBC.

Then he said: "The program is not going to change . . . Dick Cheney is still a war criminal. Hillary Clinton is still Satan. And I'm back on the radio."

Imus introduced his new cast, including Karith Foster and Tony Powell, who just happen to be African-American. In the two-and-a-half hours we saw, Foster contributed not much more than an FCC-friendly standup routine (which meant it wasn't all that funny), and Powell is the resident sports guy. Holdovers included Charles McCord (who demonstrated why you shouldn't do newscasts in front of a live studio audience--unless your name is Garrison Keillor) and a Bill Clinton impersonator, presumably there to tell us why Hillary is not Satan.

Some of Imus' guests who bailed on him during the controversy have chosen to forgive and forget. Appearing on Monday's show were presidential historian Doris Kearns Goodwin, political polar opposites (and married couple) James Carville and Mary Matalin, and Republican presidential candidate John McCain. The Arizona Senator (whom Imus says he's supporting--for now) appeared via phone to dodge Imus' persistent questions about whether he thinks gays should be in the military. It should be noted that Imus has had politicians from both parties on his show in the past, one of the few national radio hosts who still do that sort of thing.

In addition to WABC, the new "Imus In The Morning" is syndicated by Citadel Broadcasting's ABC Radio Networks to 17 stations. There is also a TV simulcast on RFD, a rural-oriented satellite channel whose programming is of little interest to city slickers. Fast-forwarding through the commercials, however, we noticed that Ralph Emery and Crook and Chase--who used to have shows on The Nashville Network before they dumped country and became Spike TV, the home of "CSI" reruns and Ultimate Fighting--are still on the air at RFD.

The circumstances that got Imus fired in the first place was supposed to lead to a national discussion of race relations in America, such as why African-Americans can use the N-word in normal conversation and white people can't, or the negative effects of rap music on black women. There was a discussion, confined mostly to Larry King's and Oprah Winfrey's shows, before the Imus story faded from the headlines. Then it was back to business as usual.

On the same day as Imus' return to radio, a memorial service was held in Miami for pro football player Sean Taylor, who was killed during a botched home invasion at the age of 24. While those who mourned Taylor painted a picture of a young man who had turned his life around, the news media, noting Taylor's past transgressions on and off the field, made it sound as though he had gotten what he deserved--which wasn't true. Also, because the suspects police picked up happened to be African-American, people seem to be shrugging this off as another example of black-on-black crime.

Don Imus may be back on the radio a presumably changed man, but Sean Taylor won't get another chance. The world hasn't changed that much.

The Elephant In The Room

The GOP You Tube debate, broadcast on CNN Wednesday night, was a bit more restrained in its use of citizens asking questions of the candidates than the one involving the Democrats. Most were straightforward, but some--including videos of guys waving rifles, Bibles and the Confederate flag--were on the scary side.

All the candidates who showed up--Mitt Romney, Rudy Giuliani, Fred Thompson, John McCain, Mike Huckabee, Ron Paul and two other guys who liked to wrap themselves in the flag--tried to answer the video questions as honestly as their spinmeisters would allow, but none gave the impression that they are ready to lead.


Is it any wonder why CNN (which bills itself as "The Most Trusted Name In News") is losing ground to the partisan hacks over at Fox News? One video questioner, openly gay retired Brigadier General Keith Kerr (who also happened to be in the audience. How convenient.) asked the candidates--white, male and presumably heterosexual--what they were going to do about the military's policy of "don't ask, don't tell". It turns out that Kerr works for Hillary Clinton's campaign. Apparently, fact-checking isn't CNN's strong suit. Oh, by the way, all the candidates said they supported the current policy.

For all the finger-pointing concerning the issues and general agreement that the war in Iraq is going well (buying into the White House propaganda), the Republican candidates refused to acknowledge the elephant in the room (so to speak): President Bush's and Vice-President Dick Cheney's record, and why folks don't want to make the mistake of voting for someone like them a third time. Couldn't CNN have found anyone with a video question about that?

Monday NIght Mess

In a game delayed by heavy rain and lightning, the Pittsburgh Steelers and Miami Dolphins somehow managed to play a football game at Heinz Field in a quagmire. The two teams nearly sloshed through four quarters scoreless (something that hasn't happened since 1943, in the Era of Bad Football a.k.a. World War II) before the Steelers kicked a field goal with seconds left to win 3-0.

The word quagmire can also be used to describe the state of "Monday Night Football" since ESPN took over the games from ABC. To wit:

• Being on cable, MNF no longer has the prestige matchup of the week (now belonging to NBC on Sunday nights), although it must be said that the problem began when ABC still had the games.
• Tony Kornheiser, co-host of Pardon the Interruption, was brought into the booth to back up Mike Tirico and Ron Jaworski as the 21st century Howard Cosell. Kornheiser sometimes acts as if he doesn't want to be there. Then again, Cosell acted that way too.
• Speaking of the booth, too many celebrities drop by to plug their latest projects (whether it has anything to do with Disney-related properties or not) and distract us from what's going on the field. They might get away with it if the game were a blowout, though.
• Chris Berman's "Fastest Three Minutes" halftime segment has turned into a joke, speeding up kick returns and touchdown passes as if the Road Runner was gunning it past Wile E. Coyote. He still makes room for highlights of the (mercifully not speeded up) Grey Cup championship in Canadian football, won by the Saskatchewan Roughriders this year.
• What is Stuart Scott doing there?
• Remember the winning field goal we told you about? ESPN imitated Fox by "framing" (if you can think of a better term, we'd love to hear it) the opposing coaches on either sides of the goalposts, as if the coaches are the stars of the game instead of the players on the field. At the risk of giving them ideas, at least they haven't ruined a 100-yard kickoff return by cutting to a low-angle shot so we can't see whether the player got into the end zone or not. Fox does it all the time.

But MNF isn't the only place where ESPN ruins everything it touches. They've branched out into movies, reality shows and poker tournaments in place of live sports. PTI is one of their most popular shows, but viewers have to sit through 15-20 minutes of Sportscenter just to get to the Big Finish. They've swallowed up ABC Sports to the point where it's now called "ESPN on ABC". And eating contests are considered sports?

That's how it is on the Worldwide Leader in Sports: Promote the heck out of a game, show off a little flash during the telecast, and we'll worry about the details later, like how the game turned out--so long as people watch.

Have no worries for ABC, as they have found that there is life beyond Monday Night Football. They replaced it with Dancing With The Stars, which has become the top-rated program on prime-time TV this fall. This season's champ is race-car driver Helio Castoneves and his partner, outpointing once-and-future Spice Girl Melanie Brown and her partner. But we were more interested in football players doing their dance on a sloppy field in Pittsburgh.

It's Beginning to Look a Lot LIke . . . Well, You Know

Welcome to the holiday season. You'll notice that it actually began the day you got your catalogues in the mail. Or maybe it was the day after Halloween.

Ever since the corporate takeover of Christmas, Mr. Ho Ho Ho and his reindeer (we can't use the gentleman's actual name for legal reasons) have overshadowed every other holiday at this time of year.

Take Thanksgiving. If it weren't for football, turkey and food you'd normally avoid the rest of the year, Thanksgiving would be one of those federal holidays with no mail delivery, and the kids would be in school. What wouldn't change is that it would still be a day of mourning for Native Americans.

Instead, what we hear about is Black Friday, that day after Thanksgiving when all the malls and big box stores open as early as 4 a.m., so you can buy your Uncle Bob or Aunt Martha a budget-priced trinket they'll take back to the store the day after Christmas for something they really wanted. Then there's Cyber Monday, where many of the same items can be bought with a click of the . . . well, we can't use that name either. Both of these events are used as harbingers of current economic trends. Right now, with high gas prices and people losing their homes due to mortgages being messed up, business isn't good.

There is no escape from holiday music, whether you're in the mall, in the car or at home. In the Twin Cities alone, two FM radio stations (owned by CBS and Clear Channel, no less) chuck their usual formats to go 24/7 on Christmas music recorded mostly in the 1950s. Let's just say that if you really want to get suspected terrorists to talk, then play this stuff and they'll confess. And they said waterboarding is an instrument of torture.

Big Charity gets into high gear at this time of year, shaming people out of their hard-earned money (with the promise of a tax break) to fund some executive's new Ferrari and/or private resort vacation, or a corrupt dictator under the guise of helping your fellow man. Their partners in the news media make sure kettles become pots of gold, empty food shelves are miraculously filled, and no child is left behind without a toy--which makes you wonder if the process is rigged. Conflicts of interest prevent the news media from keeping the charities on the straight and narrow.

We're not trying to be Scrooge--oops, I mean a character from a Dickens novel. It's just that the reason we have the holiday season in the first place has gotten lost in all the cynicism and commercialism. According to a certain holy book, a baby boy was born in Bethlehem to a couple named Joseph and Mary over 2,000 years ago. That boy grew up to become one of the most influential figures in world history, and continues to be to this day.

And that is why we have Christmas.

P.S. We had a little meeting and decided not to use any of the terms related to the baby boy in the previous paragraph. We weren't sure whether we'd get sued for trademark infringement by some religious or political organization, so it's best to leave things alone.

A New Bonds Watch

Barry Bonds, who surpassed Hank Aaron's home run record this past season under suspicion of being a steroid user, may be spending the next 30 years wearing a prison uniform instead of a baseball uniform.

Bonds, who has always denied using performance-enhancing drugs and has never been publicly tested positive, was indicted by a federal grand jury for perjury and obstructing justice for allegedly lying about his use.

He is the main figure in a probe concerning athletes who may or may not have gotten performance-enhancing supplements from BALCO (Bay Area Laboratory Cooperative). Marion Jones, whose name was linked to the case, pleaded guilty to lying about her steroid use and has given back the track and field medals she won at the 2000 Olympic Games.

Other sports, most notably cycling, have been damaged by alleged steroid use. Floyd Landis was forced to give up his 2006 Tour de France title when he was tested positive. And there have always been questions about Lance Armstrong, who has denied for years that he used performance-enhancing drugs to dominate the Tour.

The media--for whom Bonds has seldom given the time of day--has been rushing to judgment in declaring him guilty as charged. Those people should remember that an indictment doesn't mean Bonds is guilty--any lawyer can tell you that--and that he will have a chance to explain himself in federal court.

Major League Baseball, which has aided and abetted this situation to get fans back into the ballpark after the 1994 strike killed the World Series, is nervously awaiting not only the Bonds verdict, but a report due out next month by former Senator George Mitchell that might link more players to alleged steroid use.

Bonds, whether he was using or not, has a career total of 762 home runs. The ball which he hit number 756 now belongs to a guy who wants to send it to the Baseball Hall of Fame with an asterisk printed on it. Bonds was dropped at the end of the 2007 season by the San Francisco Giants, and his chances of appearing in another uniform at age 43 were iffy even before his indictment.

Yes, records are made to be broken, and we don't have to like the person who does this. Barry Bonds, whether or not he is found guilty, represents the conundrum we face: Should we cheer someone who will do anything to win by any means necessary, whether it's legal or not? And how much stock should we put in our records, anyway?

Shock Jock Update

• Don Imus, who is returning to radio on December 3 on New York's WABC-AM, will have his TV simulcast back. According to Associated Press (via ABC News' website), the lucky network (if you can call it that) is RFD-TV, seen mostly on satellite in 30 million homes, which will carry the program twice a day. RFD, which programs to rural audiences with ratings blockbusters such as "The Cattle Show", "National Tractor Pulling" and the "Largent and Sons Hereford Cattle Auction", sounds like a curious choice for Imus to make his comeback (see: the NHL on Versus). But then again, Imus has his corporate-sponsored charity ranch in New Mexico that he used to plug on the air, so it isn't too much of a stretch. Will RFD launch a campaign to get cable companies to carry the network, duplicating the success of the NFL Network and the Big Ten Network? Or will we notice it only when Imus says something really stupid and gets fired again?
• Much has been said and written in the Twin Cities media about Tom Barnard (who, like Imus, is now a Citadel Broadcasting employee) and his KQRS (92.5 FM) Morning Crew offending Native Americans with their crude comments, and why they should go off the air. In this case, more is being said than done. Barnard and his minions aren't going anywhere, and KQ isn't going to do anything to them. They have the most popular show on Twin Cities radio (driving guys like Imus and Howard Stern out of the market), making oodles of money for the station and for Citadel, so they could afford to hire the best attorneys to beat back any challenge from minority groups who complain about the content. Meanwhile, the attitude at KQ seems to be: If you don't like it, turn it off.

Meanwhile, Back in Washington . . .

• Pakistan, a major front in President Bush's War on Terror (some would say it's the front), is in turmoil. Right now, a state of emergency declared by President Pervez Musharraf has brought crackdowns on protesters and shutting down the opposition media, in a last-ditch attempt to hold on to power. See, Musharraf's approval ratings in his country are on a par with Bush's in this one. Unlike W., the Pakistani leader has the military on his side, refusing to let go in the face of upcoming elections there (which he promises will take place). Getting almost as much attention is opposition leader Benazir Bhutto, the former prime minister who is under house arrest to prevent her from leading demonstrations to protest the regime. Bhutto's being portrayed in the international media as the savior of her country, if you choose to overlook her corrupt past and the indictments hanging over her head. The United States had a history during the Cold War of backing dictators based on the rationale of "Well, at least they're not Communist" while their people suffer. In the case of Musharraf, that can be updated to "Well, at least they don't support terrorism". So the White House, along with the rest of us, will just have to wait and see how all this plays out in a country where nuclear weapons and Osama bin Laden are believed to be.
• The White House has also been making noise about picking a fight with Iran over its nuclear program. When you already have two wars going on in Iraq and Afghanistan, costing at least a trillion dollars while vetoing social programs passed by a Democratic Congress, it's irresponsible for Bush and Vice-President Dick Cheney to conjure up visions of World War III when their own terms are up just over a year from now. They're great at starting wars. But not so great at getting out of them.
• The new Attorney General is Michael Mukasey, whose views on the practice of waterboarding are still unknown despite an intense grilling by the Senate Judiciary Committee. Apparently, the culture of torturing your enemy and spying on your neighbor has been passed from John Ashcroft and Alberto Gonzales to Mukasey.

Throw Out The Scripts

The Writers Guild of America's strike against movie studios and TV networks has been going on for a week now, with everyone expecting it to go as long as the one in 1988, which was five months. The main sticking point seems to be over compensation for new media (DVDs, the Internet, etc.), for which the writers get nada.

The strike has cast a shadow over the current TV season, with late-night talk shows being the first to go into reruns. NBC unwittingly saved a lot of energy during its "Green Week" by not airing new episodes of Jay Leno, Conan O'Brien and "Saturday Night Live".

Fox has already announced that the next chapter of "24" has been pushed back to 2009, on the theory that half a season is not good enough for Jack Bauer freaks.

Other than that, folks might not notice there's a strike going on until January or February, and that's when things might really get interesting. Prime time shows will run out of fresh episodes. You might as well replace the soaps with infomercials. Awards shows will be affected because stars won't cross the picket lines. The race for the White House might change because Leno, Letterman, Stewart and Colbert won't be around to comment on it (and just where do you think some people are getting their news these days?). Reality shows and newsmagazines will rule the tube even though, contrary to popular belief, they do employ writers.

As for the movies, enough product has been written and filmed to last at least through next summer. If the strike drags on, there will be fewer flicks at the local multiplex a year from now.

We're not siding with either labor or management. But doesn't it seem as if, whenever there's a labor dispute in an important industry, both sides secretly want a strike, so they don't try very hard to avoid one?

The writers, studios and networks have more to lose now because entertainment options have changed since 1988. Besides the Internet and DVDs, you have video on cell phones, music to download (legitimately, of course) and videogames to play. So who needs "How I Met Your Mother"?

When the strike is eventually settled (and the directors and actors are taken care of in their new agreements), one thing is for certain: The studios and networks will simply pass on the cost to the consumer in the form of higher prices for DVDs and downloads. So going on strike does have its benefits--except for the ones who end up paying for it.

Off The Sidelines

Michele Tafoya, normally roaming the sidelines for ESPN's "Monday Night Football", is doing some sweeps-month moonlighting for WCCO, the Twin Cities-based CBS station where she got her start as a sports reporter before the networks called.

Here Tafoya did a story on infertility, briefly chronicling her own struggle with it (being that she's in her late child-bearing years) as well as interviewing some couples who are going through the same thing. Tafoya and her husband were rewarded for their efforts with a baby boy. Other couples, we must emphasize, may not be as fortunate.

(But don't take my word for it. See the report for yourself at wcco.com)

WCCO gets a big rap on the head for misleading advertising. In promoting the story, they made it look like poor Michele was lost and depressed while holding a teddy bear, wondering if the baby she longed for will ever come. That's just not true. Anyone who watched the final season of "Monday Night Football" on ABC in 2005 could see how far along Tafoya was getting, before she had to go on maternity leave. The way WCCO promoted the story was dishonest and insulted the intelligence of viewers who knew the truth.

As for Tafoya (who, let's face it, could pass for co-anchor Amelia Santaniello' s kid sister), it sounds as if she's ready to ditch sports for a new gig as a lifestyle reporter. The reports she's doing now for WCCO might also be doubling as an audition tape for network executives at "Today" or "Good Morning America". If that's the case, then she's off to a good start.

Getting Late Early, Part 2: The Candidates

Previously on BDC, we told you about all the jockeying by the states to move up their primaries earlier and earlier. Now we give you a rundown (and runover) of the people who have raised enough money to participate in this madness.

First, the Republicans, who have an unpopular war and an unpopular President to contend with:

• Rudy Giuliani, former New York City mayor The GOP frontrunner is still basking in the afterglow of being "America's Mayor" six years after the 9/11 attacks, to the point of being Johnny One-Note. But to longtime residents of New York City, Giuliani is anything but a hero (just ask the firefighters). His abrasive manner in running the city, coupled with his multiple marriages, leave doubts among conservatives (and others) about how morally capable he is in running the country. Plus it sounds like Giuliani would continue President George W. Bush's policies, at least in national security.
• John McCain, Senator from Arizona Being the former Vietnam POW that he is, it comes as no surprise that he supports the troop increase in Iraq. For a supposed moderate everyone fell for back in 2000, he's been bending over backwards trying to appeal to conservatives. But they don't seem to care for him either. Here's a question people really should be asking: Does anyone out there think McCain is too old to be president?
• Mitt Romney, former Massachusetts governor Now here's someone conservatives can really get behind, except he flip-flops when it comes to hot-button issues such as abortion and stem cell research (he's against both right now). The fact that Romney is Mormon might hurt his chances with the religious right, mainly because to those of us who live outside Utah, Mormons are a mystery.
• Fred Thompson, former Senator from Tennessee The conservatives' other knight in shining armor, best known to the rest of us for playing a district attorney on TV's "Law & Order". Recent media accounts paint Thompson, who didn't announce his candidacy until September, as less than gung-ho about this star-making role than his wife is. Still, if it can work for another actor turned President . . .
• The longshot is Mike Huckabee, former Arkansas governor who has two claims to fame: (1)He was born in Hope, the same place Bill Clinton came from, and (2)he lost 110 pounds. Other than that, he's a complete unknown.

Now for the Democrats, one year removed from winning majorities in both the House and Senate, only to shamefully squander it by kowtowing to President Bush.

• Hillary Rodham Clinton, Senator from New York As the Democratic frontrunner, Clinton has the best resume and name recognition of all the candidates, having once been First Lady. She's also the one with the biggest target on her back: Her husband, former President Bill Clinton, is both an asset and a liability. And she'll never live down her original vote to authorize the war in Iraq, then refusing to denounce it.
• Barack Obama, Senator from Illinois What we know about him so far is that he's younger than most of the other candidates, has a biracial background, and that he's opposed the war in Iraq from day one. That's pretty much it. He has yet to distinguish himself on the issues, or to convince others that he can overcome his lack of political experience. Is Obama too bland to be president?
• John Edwards, former Senator from North Carolina He's back for another shot after being John Kerry's running mate in 2004. This time, besides dusting off his "Two Americas" campaign speech, Edwards is so far the only candidate to apologize for approving the Iraq war. One wonders how committed Edwards is to campaigning when his wife Elizabeth is dying of cancer.
• Longshots Senator Joseph Biden of Delaware, New Mexico governor Bill Richardson, former vice-president Al Gore (if he decides to run) and Ohio representative Dennis Kucinich (who introduced a bill to impeach Vice President Dick Cheney. Good luck with that one.).

Of course, if you don't like any of these choices, there's always Michael Bloomberg. The current mayor of New York City declared himself an independent (he used to be a Republican), and might decide to run on a third-party ticket.

Let the winnowing process begin.

Getting Late Early, Part 1: Primaries and Caucuses

In a year from now, Americans will be asked to decide who deserves to succeed George W. Bush as President of the United States (unless he decides to declare a national emergency and suspend the election. But let's leave that aside for now.).

This is the first time since 1952 that neither the current occupant of the White House nor his running mate is seeking re-election, which means that every Tom, Dick or Harriet has thrown their hats into the ring. Even late night comedian Stephen Colbert has jumped into the fray (meaning he needs something to do with a writers' strike looming besides selling his book), staging a fake campaign in South Carolina--that is, until the Democrats tossed him off their primary ballot.

Not a week goes by without some kind of debate (or joint appearance, if you prefer), poll, or some report on how much money the candidates have been raising and who's been giving it to them. Speaking of polls, right now they have the appearance of pre-season rankings in college football and basketball.

And here's why: The primaries are getting earlier and earlier. States that believed they were getting the short end of the stick in the nomination process (that is, the candidates' nominations have been locked up by the time they start campaigning in those states) have been rescheduling their primaries/caucuses weeks and months earlier than normal. This has led to what amounts to a national primary in early February, led by California. Florida got whacked by the Democrats for scheduling its primary for late January.

In retaliation, Iowa and New Hampshire--who apparently believe that being first in the nation is their birthright, and no one knows why that is--have moved theirs up even earlier. Iowa is holding its caucus just after the New Year, while New Hampshire wants to move theirs to next month.

The upshot of all this ridiculous leapfrogging is a yawning gap between the end of the primaries in February and the nominating conventions in August and September. That's six months, folks. You think you're sick of politics now? Just wait.

The situation cries out for reform of the nominating process, maybe streamlining it a little bit. With Congress and the country divided as it is, that's not going to happen.

So sit back, relax and enjoy the many attack ads that will be coming from your TV and your computer in the next year. It just doesn't get any better than this.

Imus Returns To The Morning

A follow-up to the Tom Barnard situation: According to an Associated Press story published on MSNBC's web site, Don Imus is returning to the radio airwaves. Citadel Broadcasting, to whom Disney sold most of its stations and the ABC Radio Networks, has hired Imus to take over the morning drive program on New York's WABC-AM starting December 3. No word yet on a syndication deal.

Imus, you'll recall, was fired from his radio and TV jobs last spring for making racially insensitive comments about the Rutgers women's basketball team. This created a national debate over who can say what to whom without being publicly flogged for it.

Like Barnard, Imus had been getting away with questionable humor for many years, as long as the ratings were high and the money was rolling in. Unlike Barnard, Imus attracted guests from Washington and the news media, lending an air of credibility to what he was doing.

Apparently, Citadel (along with most of the radio establishment) felt that Imus has been rehabilitated enough. He'll fit right in with the other conservative talkers on WABC-AM: Rush Limbaugh, Sean Hannity and Laura Ingraham.

No other talk show host in America will be as scrutinized as Imus will be in the next few weeks. He can apologize all he wants for the hurt he has caused, but now he will have to earn the listening audience's trust and forgiveness.

UPDATE (1/23/18):  Imus recently announced that his 45-year broadcasting career will end at the end of March.  He's 77 now, and reports are that his departure has more to do with WABC-AM's current owner Cumulus going through bankruptcy, meaning they're trying to get out from under some money-losing contracts they can no longer afford.  They might even sell a few stations if it comes to that.  But whatever you think of Imus, it's still a loss for radio.

UPDATE (12/28/19):  After a long and controversial career in radio, Don Imus passed away December 27 at the age of 79.

Cumulus has pretty much gotten out of the New York radio market, having sold most of its stations.  WABC-AM was sold to a local New York company.

NBA 2007-08

Here's what's in NBA commissioner David Stern's universe these days: Kobe Bryant wants out of Los Angeles . . . a referee who allegedly bet on basketball games . . . the New York Knicks and coach Isaiah Thomas losing a sexual harassment lawsuit . . . the Sonics might ditch Seattle for Oklahoma City . . . Portland's number one draft pick, Greg Oden, is injured and out for the season . . . and the San Antonio Spurs are the defending champion.

One of the league's signature franchises, the Boston Celtics, made themselves a contender with the acquisitions of Ray Allen from Seattle and Kevin Garnett from Minnesota in exchange for leftovers. Of course, that's an easy thing to say in the talent-challenged Eastern Conference, where mediocre teams rule.

In the Western Conference, it's the Big Three--Dallas, San Antonio and Phoenix--along with up-and-comers Golden State, Utah and Houston. Even the Los Angeles Lakers, with the made-for-ESPN drama concerning Bryant, should be a playoff team as long as he stays with them.

Our projected playoff teams:

EAST Boston Celtics, Chicago Bulls, Cleveland Cavaliers, Detroit Pistons, Toronto Raptors, Washington Wizards, Miami Heat and New Jersey Nets.

WEST Dallas Mavericks, San Antonio Spurs, Phoenix Suns, Denver Nuggets, Los Angeles Lakers (with Bryant), Houston Rockets, Golden State Warriors and Utah Jazz.

As for the Minnesota Timberwolves, most pundits have consigned them to the bottom of the heap in the post-Garnett era. And so are we. The Wolves are going to have a difficult time getting quality players to come here. Two of them, Ricky Davis and Juwan Howard, are already gone. They didn't want to play here in the first place without Garnett. That means all eyes will be on Al Jefferson, whom the Wolves ended up with in the Boston trade, as the new face of the franchise. It's not going to be pretty at Target Center for the next few years.

The New Hub of Baseball

If you weren't among the few who saw our prediction of the Colorado Rockies upsetting the Boston Red Sox in a seven-game World Series, consider yourself fortunate.

Concluding one of the dullest post-seasons in recent baseball history, the Red Sox steamrollered over the Rockies in four games to win its second world championship this century. Fox's TV coverage of the World Series earned the distinction of being the second-lowest rated in history. People were complaining about the season ending in November? This one didn't make it to Halloween.

The news keeps getting better for Boston, who apparently has enough talent in its minor league system to keep them on top for years. Oh yes, and Alex Rodriguez has just become available, with the New York Yankees declining to re-sign him. I think we can safely say that the Curse of the Bambino is no longer in force.

Polluting The Airwaves

Tom Barnard's KQRS (FM 92.5) morning show has been the top-rated program on Twin Cities radio for many years, easily outdistancing its nearest competitors. Its mix of tabloid news, conservative political commentary and sexual humor makes everyone else's show seem tame by comparison--and makes you hate yourself for listening.

Unfortunately, the "KQ Morning Crew" has managed to offend a few people along the way. They've made jokes in the past at the expense of Somalis and Asian-American citizens, and the station has always had to cover their behinds because of it.

Now it's the Native Americans' turn to be offended. On a recent broadcast, Barnard and company were discussing the suicide rate in Beltrami County in northern Minnesota, which is where the Red Lake Indian Reservation is located. Co-host Terri Traen, who normally plays the resident ditz on the show, made the suggestion that incest goes on at Red Lake. Then Barnard alleges that the Shakopee Mdewakaton Sioux tribe, which owns Mystic Lake Casino near the Twin Cities, didn't spend a dime to help the Red Lake band. What followed was much giggling and name-calling by Barnard's paid stooges.

In fact, according to the Minneapolis Star Tribune, the Shakopee band has given $4 million to the Red Lake tribe for, among other things, a new Boys and Girls Club and the restoration of fishing on the reservation. The Shakopee band also made headlines recently, giving $10 million to the University of Minnesota for naming rights to the area outside the new football stadium.

The two tribes, along with members of the American Indian Movement, protested outside the studios of KQRS in Minneapolis. They met with management, who promised them an on-air apology and the hiring of Native American interns, among other things. What they didn't get was having Barnard fired. That may not be enough, as the tribes are planning some kind of advertising boycott. Just like the one that got Don Imus fired from his radio and TV jobs for making racially insensitive comments.

One thing missing in the news coverage of the protest is that Mickey Mouse no longer has anything to do with KQRS. The Walt Disney Company sold off ABC Radio Networks and most of the stations it owned to Citadel Broadcasting a few months ago. KQRS, KXXR (93X) and the Love 105 stations were included in the sale, but Radio Disney (AM 1440) was not. It's just that the signs in front of the building hasn't been changed yet.

How Tom Barnard and company can be so offensive to minority groups and remain on the air is a mystery. So what does the huge ratings the 'KQ Morning Show" gets say about the people who listen? Are we as tolerant of other cultures as we say we are?

Creole and Oranges

It's time to play "Compare and Contrast". On today's episode, we'll break down the differences between San Diego and the wildfires to New Orleans and Hurricane Katrina. It starts now.

CAUSES Category 3 hurricane hits New Orleans and parts of the Gulf Coast, caused by warming waters in the Gulf of Mexico and massive winds. Brushfires from Los Angeles to the Mexican border caused by tinder-dry conditions and Santa Ana winds blowing from the east. In some cases, arson is suspected. In both cases, some people point to climate change as the culprit.

DAMAGES New Orleans was literally underwater, thanks to the city being under sea level and poorly-designed levees that broke. Some sections of the city that were destroyed may never be rebuilt. San Diego and Los Angeles are still standing, as far as we know.

EVACUATIONS Katrina victims (most of whom are poor and black), forced to leave kicking and screaming, are scattered across the country. Most haven't returned, and may never. In Southern California, over a half-million people (mostly rich and white) are evacuated from multi-million dollar homes in secluded areas. Most will rebuild on the same sites, depending on what kind of financial settlement they got from their insurance company.

GOVERNMENT RESPONSE Local and federal officials blamed for initial lack of response in Katrina, even though they've had years to prepare for something like this. President Bush does fly-over tours of the region. FEMA becomes national punchline. State and local officials in California respond relatively quickly, mainly because wildfires happen too often out there. Bush visits the area--on foot. FEMA holds fake news conference, embarrasses everyone involved.
In both cases, the additional help and equipment that would have come from the National Guard are currently dodging car bombs in Iraq.

STADIUMS The Louisiana Superdome, symbolic of poor conditions involving overcrowding, violence and lack of amenities including running water, working toilets and emergency power. Qualcomm Stadium in San Diego hosted 10,000 evacuees. According to media reports, the mood was considerably lighter and relatively peaceful.

NFL TEAMS The New Orleans Saints were forced to play their 2004 home schedule in San Antonio and Baton Rouge, LA. The San Diego Chargers had to move their practice to Phoenix, but otherwise did not lose a home game.

TOURISM New Orleans' iconic restaurants and jazz clubs in the French Quarter are slowly reopening. Mardi Gras is still celebrated. San Diego? They have beautiful weather.

In both Southern California and New Orleans, the damage caused by these acts of nature will forever transform the lives of the people who live there. How quickly they recover depends largely on who you are and where you live.

Rocky Mountain Upset

OK, so our original World Series matchup--Cleveland vs. Chicago Cubs--didn't pan out. But the teams that remain--Colorado Rockies vs. Boston Red Sox--are a study in contrasts.

The Red Sox are no longer the lovable underdogs who won the big prize in 2004. Instead, they spent billions of dollars to get practically any player they want (such as Curt Schilling, Manny Ramirez and David Ortiz) to play in that iconic ballpark on the Fens, just to compete with those better-known big spenders from New York. Nearly every game between the Sox and Yankees is on national TV and covered breathlessly by ESPN, whose headquarters in Conneticut puts them right in the crossfire.

In the playoffs, the American League East champions swept the Los Angeles Angels, then came back from a 3-1 deficit to win the ALCS in seven games as Cleveland's pitching fell apart.

The Yankees? The Indians took care of them in the first round. Then owner George Steinbrenner and sons allowed manager Joe Torre to twist in the wind until he rejected a one-year contract extension, saying goodbye after twelve seasons, ten division titles and four World Series championships. They haven't won a Series since 2000, and that's all that matters to Steinbrenner.

As for the Rockies, a franchise that's only been around since 1993, they appeared literally out of nowhere. After qualifying as the wild card in a controversial one-game playoff win over San Diego, they swept through Philadelphia and Arizona to get here. They are riding an incredible winning streak that dates back to September. Their lineup costs less than the salaries of the Yankees and Red Sox players, but aren't as well known outside Denver and the few folks who bothered to tune into TBS' playoff coverage.

Despite being the X-factor in this series and having to cool their heels for eight days, we think it's possible that the Rockies could pull off an upset, winning the World Series over the Red Sox in seven games. It should end sometime before Thanksgiving.

Newspaper Flips Off Some TV Viewers

Today it is possible to sit down in front of the big screen and peruse channel listings to find out what's on, then select the show that interests you. Or you can use your remote and go channel-flipping.

The first option works great if you have digital cable or a satellite dish. For the rest of us who are stuck with either analog cable or broadcast TV, we usually have a little magazine located next to the couch to tell us what's on.

Not any more. The Minneapolis Star Tribune, in its never-ending quest to cut corners in its news coverage in the name of making more money while claiming to serve its readers, is discontinuing its Sunday TV Week magazine in November. However, they are offering subscriptions to TV Guide magazine, which will now provide the program listings on the newspaper's web site.

Besides, the Strib seems to be forgetting the number one reason why people still buy the Sunday paper in the first place: It's for the TV listings.

Have you seen TV Guide lately? (Disclosure: I am a subscriber.) Since they switched to a larger size a couple of years ago, local listings were eliminated, and TV coverage has been sacrificed in favor of celebrity gossip and who has the hots for whom on shows you don't care about. They seem to have forgotten that women aren't the only people who watch TV.

Having no local listings makes it tough for independents and PBS member stations to get noticed by viewers. In the case of KTCA (Channel 2), also known as TPT, they don't carry PBS programs at the same time the network does--especially during pledge drives.

The Star Tribune, in its message announcing the demise of TV Week, put in a line thanking the readers for their loyalty. In light of what owner Avista Capital Partners has done to the newspaper in the past few months, we think loyalty is a two-way street. If the Star Tribune isn't loyal to its readers, then why should readers be loyal to the Star Tribune?

What's Peace Got To Do With It?

This year's Nobel Peace Prize was awarded to former Vice President Al Gore for his efforts to educate the world about climate change and its consequences, thanks mainly to the film "An Inconvenient Truth", which won Gore an Academy Award for best documentary.

While the honors for Gore are well deserved, jealous conservatives who never believed in global warming in the first place (probably because most of us won't be around to see its consequences) are complaining that Gore isn't as green as people think he is, claiming that he leaves the lights on at his house too long, for example.

They're also wondering what in heck global warming has to do with peace. Let's see . . . unchecked climate change could lead to dwindling resources of food, water and land, which leads to refugees crossing borders from uninhabitable areas and countries defending their supplies with force, which might lead to war.

Some of the solutions to climate change are not without their flaws. Take the campaign to ban bottled water. It's a nice idea, but not everyone has access to clean, safe drinking water. Or bicycles. They're great for exercising during the summer. As for the rest of the year, unless you live in a warm climate and you don't have to haul stuff, bicycles aren't very practical. That's why people will continue to pay through the nose for gas to fill their SUVs.

And then there's the inevitable speculation about whether Gore wants to make another run for the White House to replace the current Polluter-In-Chief. First, he's not interested. Second, if he did run, he's well behind Hillary Clinton in the Democratic field in whatever poll you believe.

Besides, with all the accolades Al Gore is getting these days, who needs the White House?

Big Ten on Cable: When Pigskins Fly

College football is all over TV these days. ABC has a Saturday night game of the week (whenever they're not running NASCAR). CBS covers the best game from the Southeastern Conference. NBC carries Notre Dame home games. And ESPN goes wall to wall with pigskin nearly every night of the week.


Yes, college football is all over TV, unless you happen to live in Big Ten territory and do not have a satellite dish. Folks are missing games involving their favorite teams because of a contract dispute between Comcast, the region's largest cable provider, and the Big Ten conference's new TV network.


In a nutshell, the conference wants its network on a basic level along with ESPN, so everyone with cable can get it. Comcast claims that would cost its customers too much, preferring instead to put the Big Ten Network on a digital sports package. The dispute continues with no end in sight.


It's not like this hasn't happened before. A similar dispute between Comcast and the NFL Network resulted in a temporary legal victory for the cable operator, which put the football channel on digital (the NFL is appealing).


The Big Ten has deals with ABC, CBS and ESPN to show its best matchups in football and men's basketball. The leftovers go to BTN, which usually means showcasing the likes of Minnesota and Northwestern--schools without winning programs or legendary coaches. If the networks ever deign to show games involving the Gophers or the Wildcats, it's usually because they're playing Michigan, Penn State or Ohio State--the ones with winning programs and legendary coaches. And those games are usually over by half time.


As for the rest of the week, BTN plans to show women's sports and other non-revenue producing activities. Not to mention highlight shows and reruns of classic games, just like all the other sports channels. Nothing wrong with any of those, if you have friends or relatives participating. And what happens during the summer? Infomercial City?

What BTN should have done, for public relations purposes if nothing else, is to offer games of local interest to broadcast stations until enough people are able to get the network (Fox affiliates, whose parent company owns half of BTN, would have first dibs).


Comcast is not exactly innocent in all of this. If you are a basic cable subscriber in Minneapolis and suburbs, you might have noticed the gaping holes where channels used to be. That's because Comcast moved the likes of ESPN Classic and Lifetime Movie Network to digital cable, and aren't bothering to replace them. Is it because Comcast is phasing out basic in favor of the more expensive (with more equipment to buy) digital? Not everyone can afford those high-definition TV sets, you know. And that will become more apparent the digital switch of 2009.

At the risk of reducing the whole issue to a sports metaphor, Comcast and the Big Ten Network are locked in a titanic struggle to see who blinks first. And the viewers are the losers no matter what happens.

It's Update Time!

Here's what happened to some of the items we've covered in past posts.

• After a judge denied Senator Larry Craig's (R-Idaho) request to change his guilty plea to not guilty for allegedly soliciting sex from an undercover officer in what has become known as the Great Airport Men's Room Tap-Off, Craig said he would fight the charges and remain in the Senate until his term ends, much to the chagrin of fellow Republicans who wished he had kept his promise to leave by the end of September. They have enough problems with an unpopular president, and an uninspiring list of candidates who want to replace him. At least Craig is not running again--unless he changes his mind. Meanwhile, the Minneapolis-St. Paul International Airport (where the alleged incident took place) is making changes in the men's room to make the stalls less enticing for those who want to leave certain types of messages, and not to gross out those who need to use it for its intended purpose.
• The University of St. Thomas, admitting it had made a mistake in disinviting Archbishop Desmond Tutu because of his alleged anti-Semitic remarks in a 2002 speech, now wants to re-invite him to speak next spring. We think Tutu should tell them, in the most Christian way possible, to go stuff it.
• Britney Spears, one month removed from her historically awful performance at the MTV Video Music Awards, has been taking hits for her bizarre behavior of the past few months. The reason for all of this has come into sharp focus: A judge has awarded temporary custody of her two children to former husband Kevin Federline. It's time to stop all the jokes and career speculation, and understand that Spears needs to seriously get her life together. Not just for her, but for the kids.

A Lesson in Free Expression

College campuses have long been the bastions of what we'd like to think America is all about. The free exchange of ideas between people from all walks of life, no matter what your social, sexual or political upbringing, is usually encouraged. You won't find that in corporate boardrooms, dinner tables, or in Washington these days.

So why is it that an institution of higher learning in Minnesota--the Catholic-based University of St. Thomas--chose to disinvite a world-renowned figure from speaking at their campus?

Archbishop Desmond Tutu, who won a Nobel Peace Prize in 1984 for his role in helping to end the system of apartheid in South Africa, was scheduled to speak at the St. Paul-based school in the spring of 2008. Then college administrators got wind of a speech Tutu made in 2002, in which he criticized the Israeli government's treatment of Palestinians in the occupied territories. Some pro-Israeli groups saw Tutu's comments as anti-Semitic, even though (according to City Pages) the archbishop did not blame the Jewish people in the speech.

We'll leave aside Middle East politics to those who are better versed on the subject. But what these groups seem to be saying is: Criticize Israel and you criticize the Jewish people. That's like saying we shouldn't criticize U.S. government policies, because then you offend the American people. The actions of both countries are not necessarily the opinion of the people they govern.

So, fearing protests--they went through this before, when conservative firebeand Ann Coulter came to town-- St. Thomas decided not to invite Tutu. Professor Cris Toffolo wrote a letter to the archbishop explaining the situation, then added her disagreement with the decision. That's why she is no longer chair of the Justice and Peace Studies department.

Maybe the administrators at St. Thomas didn't want a replay of what happened when Columbia University invited Iranian president Mahmoud Ahmadinejad to speak during his recent visit to New York. Ahmadinejad, among other things, has denounced Israel, denied there was ever a Holocaust, and has been cagey about his country's nuclear program. Not only did Columbia's president Lee Bollinger attack his guest speaker in his introduction as a "petty and cruel dictator", but Ahmadinejad was booed and laughed at by the audience when he made claims such as when he said there were no gays in his country.

The Bush White House, for whom the Iranian president has long been a thorn in their side, tolerated the visit as an example of freedom of speech. That's interesting, coming from an administration who wouldn't tolerate any of it unless it's in front of a friendly audience.

What we're saying is this: If one university can invite a loose cannon of a world leader who doesn't hold real power over his own people (the mullahs run the show in Iran), certainly another university can invite someone who's had a positive impact on humanity--even if he has to watch what he says sometimes.

St. Thomas is currently reconsidering its decision not to invite Archbishop Tutu. If they stand by their original decision, the organization that invited Tutu has made arrangements for the speech to be moved to Metropolitan State University in Minneapolis. But it doesn't say much for college campuses--or anywhere else, for that matter--when a few people have the power to silence anyone who doesn't conform to their beliefs.

NHL 2007-08 Preview

As the 2007-08 National Hockey League season gets underway, let us count the ways (besides anemic TV ratings) it has become a relative oasis of sanity in a sports world gone mad:

• No players accused of steroid abuse.
• No players convicted of animal abuse.
• No on-ice officials allegedly betting on games.
• No coaches taping the other team's signals.
• No sexual harassment lawsuits.

OK, so there are drawbacks.

• Hits so violent, they end up on the evening news and end a player's career (if not his life).
• Five minutes of overtime is never enough to settle a game.
• Schedules that find teams in one conference playing the other conference less and less (We hear the league is working on it).

The Anaheim Ducks are the defending Stanley Cup champions. They began their season in London, England splitting a two-game series with the appropriately-named Los Angeles Kings. Then the Ducks had two days to fly across the ocean to Detroit, where they lost to the Red Wings in a shootout. The demands of being a champion are one reason why they will not repeat. The other is that the last team to do that are the Red Wings--ten years ago.

The two marquee names of the NHL these days are Sidney Crosby of the Pittsburgh Penguins and Alexander Ovechkin of the Washington Capitals. According to some hockey pundits, Crosby and the Penguins are Stanley Cup material while Ovechkin and the Capitals won't even make the playoffs. I agree with both assessments. But in the Penguins' case, not this year. Crosby is 20 years old. How old was Wayne Gretzky, to whom Crosby is often compared to, when he started winning Cups?

Instead of telling you who will play for the Stanley Cup, here's who we think will make the playoffs. Remember, you can't win it if you don't get there.

EAST: Ottawa Senators, New York Rangers, Pittsburgh Penguins, Buffalo Sabres, New Jersey Devils, Toronto Maple Leafs, Atlanta Thrashers and Tampa Bay Lightning.

WEST: San Jose Sharks, Anaheim Ducks, Detroit Red Wings, Minnesota Wild, Colorado Avalanche, Calgary Flames, Vancouver Canucks and Dallas Stars.

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The Minnesota Wild, with the exception of Niklas Backstrom replacing goaltender Manny Fernandez when he was traded to the Boston Bruins, made no real changes in personnel during the off-season. They seem to be confident that the lineup that got them to the playoffs last season will do the same for them this season.

How high in the standings and how far the Wild get in the playoffs depends on the health of Marian Gaborik, who spent a good chunk of last season nursing a groin--excuse me, lower body--injury. Also, they need to pick up the scoring slack and not depend so much on coach Jacques Lemaire's defensive style. And it says a lot about a franchise when one of your most popular players is a no-talent goon named Derek Boogaard.

After all, the Wild are under a lot of pressure. The Twins finished in third place. The Vikings and football Gophers are terrible. And the Timberwolves without Kevin Garnett are a disaster waiting to happen.

Twins Recap '07

For the first time since 2005, the Minnesota Twins are watching the Major League Baseball playoffs on TV instead of playing in them. It's not like they deserved to be there this year.

The Twins finished the 2007 season at 79-83, good enough for third place behind the American League Central division champion Cleveland Indians. A distant third place, thanks to a lack of offense, injuries to key players such as Joe Mauer and Rondell White, and ineffective starting pitching. Even ace Johan Santana had an off year.

Now the question becomes: How many of the players you saw in 2007 will be in a Twins uniform come 2008? Terry Ryan has handed over the general manager duties to someone named Bill Smith. You might say Ryan got out just in time, because Smith has the unenviable task of trying to keep the popular Torii Hunter out of the free agent market. And if Santana has another so-so year like this one, the Twins won't have any problems parting with him.

It's not likely the Twins will be able to keep its stars, not as long as owner Carl Pohlad prefers to spend his money on radio stations and jewelry stores. Sure, there's a new ballpark to provide more revenue. But it doesn't open until 2010, and the landlords and Hennepin County are still bickering over the price--which might ultimately determine Pohlad's future financial investment in the team.

Whatever happens, the slide towards mediocrity is just beginning.

* * * *

Before we go, here's our projected World Series matchup: Cleveland vs. Chicago Cubs.

Minnesota Empire Radio

American Public Media Group, the parent company of Minnesota Public Radio, in its ongoing quest to become the Clear Channel of so-called non-profit broadcasting, is branching out to Miami.

According to MPR's website, they're plunking down $20 million for WMCU, a Christian FM station which will (pending FCC approval) be converted to a classical format. Two commercial stations, according to MPR's site, have tried and failed in the Miami market.

APMG/MPR tried to get into the Washington, D.C. area with the purchase of another Christian station, but the owners of WGTS turned them down after supporters protested. Which is kind of what happened when MPR bought WCAL from St. Olaf College in Northfield, Minnesota and turned it into The Current.

Besides holding a near-monopoly on public radio stations in Minnesota, APMG/MPR also owns stations in Los Angeles, Sun Valley, Idaho, Houghton, Michigan, Sioux Falls, South Dakota and Decorah, Iowa.

Yet for a few weeks every year, MPR personnel come hat in hand soliciting for funds to keep this marvelous and necessary enterprise on the air. Look, if they can afford to buy stations and build multi-million-dollar broadcasting facilities, what do they need your money for?

The Last Image

Today we salute Leigh Kamman, who just ended a broadcasting career that began at the height of the Big Band era with the final broadcast of "The Jazz Image", a program he has hosted on Minnesota Public Radio (MPR) since 1973.

Kamman's long career included interviews with just about every major (and minor) personality in jazz and stints at various Twin Cities radio stations in the 1950s and 60s. At 85, he's leaving to write a book or two.

What Kamman did for three hours every Saturday night (it used to be all night in the early years) was to take his listeners on a journey to another world, in words and sound, where the drinks flowed, the music was hot, and the mood was mellow.

That quintessential piece of Americana called jazz, once the most popular sound in the land, has been relegated in recent years to that audio museum called public radio. And it's no mystery why: it's an insomnia cure compared to rock, country and pop--not to mention more marketable. We're not counting "smooth jazz", the province of such luminaries as Kenny G and George Benson, which has seen two Twin Cities radio stations come and go.

MPR has not announced a replacement for Kamman yet, nor is it known if the show will continue in some form. Whatever happens, whoever sits behind the microphone has a hard act to follow, with a different set of images to conjure.

UPDATE (10/20/14):   Kammann died on October 17.  He was 92.

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Stalling For Time

The media circus came to Hennepin County District Court on Wednesday, not far from the Southdale shopping mall in Edina, Minnesota. A new Super Target across the street is weeks away from opening, with the road next to it being torn up and paved over, and a hotel is under construction a few blocks away. But that's not why they were here.

They were in the courtroom to witness attorneys representing Senator Larry Craig (R-Idaho)--who could not be bothered to leave Washington--asking a judge to let him withdraw his guilty plea on a charge of disorderly conduct. Craig, as you know, was arrested back on June 11 at the Minneapolis-St. Paul International Airport for allegedly soliciting gay sex to an undercover officer in the men's room.

The officer wrote in his report that he and Craig were in adjoining stalls, touching feet and making signals indicating that the Senator wanted sex. It sounds like a sordid version of how Paul Revere knew the British were coming (for those of you who forgot your history lessons, it was "one if by land, two if by sea"). Craig, claiming he was using a "wide stance", now denies everything.

Judge Charles Porter said he won't make a ruling until sometime next month, so Craig is delaying his resignation from the Senate--much to the chagrin of embarrassed fellow Republicans who wanted him out ASAP.

The stall at the airport where the sting allegedly occurred is now a tourist attraction, right up there with the Mall of America and the bridge that fell into the Mississippi River. Wonder if that will make the next edition of "Weird Minnesota"?

The building next door to the District Court is the library I usually frequent at least twice a month. Had I gone there on Wednesday, I wouldn't have found a place to park with all the news vans, satellite trucks and security But Thursday, the media circus was gone, setting up their tents at the next big story. When the judge makes his decision, they'll be back.

Trials and Strib-ulations

In the ongoing turmoil that is the Minneapolis Star Tribune, a Ramsey County judge ordered Par Ridder, the man whom new owner Avista Capital Partners brought over from the rival St. Paul Pioneer Press to serve as its new publisher, to go on a one year suspension as punishment for violating state laws regarding trade secrets when he jumped across the river.

Apparently, Ridder was not a well-liked man. Staffers at both papers cheered the ruling, which is pending an appeal by the Star Tribune. The paper's own coverage of the ruling was on the front page, top fold, when you would have expected to see it on the business pages. But then again, the media doesn't usually do a very good job of covering itself.

The Star Tribune (and, for that matter, the Pioneer Press) has been shrinking in its size and reputation these days. Circulation is in the tank. Half its staff has been axed, including Doug Grow, Al Sicherman, Eric Black and Deborah Rybak. Other aspects of the business have been outsourced. And still no one knows what in heck Avista Capital Partners is, or how long it will be before they sell the paper to someone else.

Reading the paper is another matter. Coverage is so skimpy, with wire-service headlines of things you've already heard on TV and stories missed because of the lack of staff. And do we really have to get our media coverage from CJ? It's almost as if the Star Tribune is inviting its readers to drop the paper and log on to its web site.

Not to end on a gloomy note, but we think the Twin Cities will become a one-newspaper market by 2010. Which newspaper survives is anyone's guess.

Black Eye

To the surprise and dismay of most of his media colleagues, Dan Rather has filed a $70 million suit against CBS, claiming they damaged his reputation over a story he did in 2004.

It's the one Rather reported for "60 Minutes II" about George W. Bush's military service records during the Vietnam war, and how much time he allegedly did serve. The President's supporters in the blogosphere (who had been waiting for years to pin something on the allegedly liberal Rather), among others, called the network and Rather on it. After further checking, CBS concluded that they were right about the way the story was handled, and that they and Rather issued apologies. As a result, four staffers were fired, and Rather was dropped from the 'CBS Evening News" and "60 Minutes II".

CBS has responded to Rather's suit by saying it was "old news" and that it was without merit.

These days, Rather hosts a program for HDnet, a cable channel which happens to be one of Dallas Mavericks owner Mark Cuban's properties. Besides the lawsuit, Rather has been taking shots at his old network for hiring Katie Couric to take his place on the evening news, as well as decrying the "dumbing down" of TV news in general.

Let's see . . . when Rather left the "CBS Evening News", it was mired in third place behind NBC and ABC. Interim anchor Bob Schieffer brought the numbers up a little bit. Then, after much ballyhoo, Couric took over. Today, the broadcast is still in third place. But it's not all Couric's fault. Unless you live in places like Minneapolis, the local news ratings on CBS stations are in the tank. Not as many people watch the evening news any more. Also, CBS News itself is not the journalistic powerhouse it used to be in the Walter Cronkite era.

This lawsuit might have the unintended consequence of making Rather seem like a bitter old man whose best days are behind him. You've heard the phrase "it's not the money, it's the principle of the thing"? It's the money, Dan.

Running Into Trouble--Again

Twelve years after being acquitted of the murders of his former wife and her male friend, in a trial that still resonates today, football hero-turned-pariah Orenthal James (O.J.) Simpson faces prison once again.

Simpson and five others were charged on ten felonies by Nevada police including kidnapping and armed robbery, allegedly for attempting to steal back sports memorabilia (which Simpson says originally belonged to him) at a Las Vegas casino hotel. If convicted, Simpson could get up to 60 years in prison.

The families of the victims, Nicole Brown Simpson and Ronald Goldman, have been on Simpson's case since the verdict, waiting for the $33.5 million that was due the Goldmans after winning a wrongful death lawsuit, as well as believing Simpson got away with murder. Which is why Simpson now resides in Florida, just to get away from them,

Before the arrest, the Browns and the Goldmans were all over TV debating the wisdom of publishing Simpson's book "If I Did It", whose rights now belong to the Goldmans. In the book, Simpson speculated on what would have happened if he really did kill Nicole and Ronald. The resulting firestorm of criticism caused Rupert Murdoch's News Corp. to yank the book and Simpson's TV interview, firing the publisher in the process.

Up until the murder trial, Simpson was best known as a Heisman Trophy winner at the University of Southern California, a record-setting running back in the NFL, and an actor in movies and TV commercials. He's still in the Pro Football Hall of Fame, and some say he shouldn't be there. If the various Halls of Fame cared more about its inductees' athletic credentials and less about their being solid citizens, Pete Rose, Michael Vick and Barry Bonds would have been voted in.

If the case goes to trial, the question will be: Can O.J. do it again? Will his team of attorneys be successful in getting an acquittal on armed robbery charges, just like they did in the murder trial? Sure, the situation and the locale are different, but things haven't changed much since the last time O.J. Simpson walked into a courtroom with his life on the line.

Patriot Spy Games

The National Football League put the hammer down on the New England Patriots, fining them heavily (though not as much as some would like) and taking away draft choices. All because someone on the coaching staff had the bright idea of allegedly bringing video cameras to the sidelines to film signals of New York Jets coaches during a game. This is why you see coaches hiding their faces behind clipboards. It looks stupid on TV, but it does serve the purpose of stymieing lip-readers.

Patriots coach Bill Belichick, heretofore known as the genius who led his team to three Super Bowl titles in this decade and is going for a fourth, came across as Vice President Dick Cheney in blowing off the media inquiries during his news conferences last week. Belichick's reputation might have taken a hit--in fact, some have wondered why he wasn't suspended by the NFL, but his coaching style won't change any. Not that his team's been affected by all this, as they defeated the San Diego Chargers 38-14 Sunday night.

One thing that might come from this incident is that, in the NFL's never-ending attempts to dictate what you and I are allowed to see in the name of image management, sideline reporters and cameras might become a thing of the past. (Come to think of it, the NFL sounds a lot like the Bush administration)

Just to clarify, there are sideline reporters (see Andrea Kramer of NBC, Suzy Kolber and Michele Tafoya of ESPN, among others) who give out good information on injured players and summaries of what coaches thought of the game so far, etc. But there are also those who insist on giving us the juicy details about the patches on players' uniforms, or the terrible odds a player had to overcome just to play football. And then there's Tony Siragusa, for whom we're still scratching our heads as to why Fox Sports put this guy on TV.

Our Detailed Analysis of the President's Address to the Nation

We were going to do a detailed analysis of President Bush's speech on Thursday night. But since the President used many of the same talking points (9/11, defending freedom, etc.) to justify the continued occupation of Iraq he's used in past speeches, and since General David Petraeus already did much of the work for him during appearances on Capitol Hill, why bother? So let's, uh, move on . . .

Is It Live? Or Is It MTV?

The MTV Video Music Awards used to be one of the most anticipated events on TV. Whether it was Madonna in a wedding dress performing "Like a Virgin", Michael Jackson and Lisa Marie Presley proving that they really were married, or Madonna and Britney Spears sharing an intimate moment, you could usually count on the VMAs to be outrageous.

Now? The last time I paid any attention to MTV was when "Daria", "Beavis and Butt-head" and "The Osbournes" were still on the air. The videos that initially dominated the channel have given way to reality shows like "The Real World". I used to watch that for awhile before it got too ridiculous for me, and before they ran out of hip places. What is it now--"The Real World: Boise"?

This year's VMAs were broadcast from some Las Vegas hotel, taking a page from the Golden Globe Awards. It was advertised as a live telecast. But in September, the sun doesn't set at 6 p.m. Pacific Time. So why were there helicopter shots of Las Vegas after dark?

Everybody else has weighed in on how awful Britney Spears was while lip-syncing her new hit single "Gimme More". Granted, she's not the greatest performer in the world. Not even close. But she's had a lot on her mind lately, such as keeping the kids away from K-Fed and remembering to wear panties. Wandering aimlessly wearing what looked like lingerie and trying to remember the lyrics doesn't help matters. But she didn't deserve those tasteless comments made by Sarah Silverman.

Alicia Keys, on the other hand, was a class act in her performance. She doesn't need some rap star of the moment disrupting the mood in the middle of a song, causing some people to change stations (this means you, Amy Winehouse and Mariah Carey). Keys is much too talented to resort to that.

Not all rappers succeed by horning in on other people's songs. Kanye West, Eminem and 50 Cent, among others, have had hits by flying solo. But "collaborations" by So and So featuring What's His Name and a Host of Others tend to confuse the listener if they don't know who these people are.

But back to the real purpose of the show, which is to honor achievement in music videos. This year's Video of the Year went to Rihanna's "Umbrella", a song that's been all over the radio this past summer. Since most of us did not see this, or any, of the nominated videos (unless you were up at 3 a.m.), it was hard to figure out why she deserved the award. Even Justin Timberlake, who won two awards, exhorted MTV to play more videos during his acceptance speeches.

Because they now prefer showing "My Super Sweet 16" instead of the latest Beyonce' video, MTV has become increasingly irrelevant in the age of YouTube and My Space. And it's their own damn fault.

One more thing: I watched Tony Bennett on PBS' "American Masters". This man has more talent at the age of 80 than any of the musical acts on the VMAs (except for Keys) combined. Wasn't he an MTV star once?

Groundhogs and Generals

On the second day of February, the citizens of Punxsutawney, PA gathered round to witness the verdict of how much winter we're going to get from a groundhog named Punxsutawney Phil. If Phil saw his shadow, there would be six more weeks of winter. If not, then spring would come early. This year, Phil saw his shadow. (How could he not with all those TV lights?)

On the tenth day of September, members of the House of Representatives in Washington and a national TV audience gathered to witness the verdict of how much longer the war in Iraq will be from an Army general named David Petraeus, with an assist from Ryan Crocker, the American ambassador to Iraq. If the general thought the so-called troop "surge" was going well, then there would be at least six more months of war. If the "surge" wasn't working, then the Democratic-controlled Congress would cut funding and demand that the soldiers come home ASAP.

To no one's surprise, Petraeus told the House Armed Services Committee that the "surge" was helping to reduce the violence in Iraq, but he said he needed six more months for it to work. Petraeus also said that 30,000 soldiers could be drawn down to pre-"surge" levels by next summer. Which leaves over 130,000 sitting ducks, but who's counting?

The optimism coming from Petraeus is tempered by an inept Iraqi government that some people are comparing to America's Founders during the Revolution (Like, uh, where's their George Washington or Thomas Jefferson?), and that, according to some news accounts, most Sunnis have been kicked out of Baghdad by Shiites. And, let's not forget, American soldiers are still getting caught in the crossfire.

There are also suspicions that Petraeus is nothing more than President George W. Bush's mouthpiece (MoveOn dubbed him "General Betray Us"), parroting the White House policy on Iraq. And you never contradict your commander-in-chief, right?

Truth to tell, both political parties need this war to keep going for their own self-serving reasons. For the Republicans, they claim that America is in a "must-win" situation in Iraq, on the basis that any pullout hands Al-Qaeda a victory. For the Democrats, what else do they have to run on in 2008? That's why Petraeus and Bush will end up getting their funding.

Meanwhile, on the sixth anniversary of the 9/11/01 terrorist attacks (still used as an excuse to invade Iraq in the first place), a youthful-looking Osama bin Laden--said to be hiding in the mountains of Pakistan--made a rare appearance on video. Among other things, he suggested to Americans that if they wanted to end the conflict in Iraq, they should switch to Islam. We say: Religion got us into this "war on terror". And religion is going to get us out?

There's hardly any comparison between six weeks of winter and six months of war. But groundhogs and generals have been known to be wrong.