American Idol: The Other Primary

Instead of reporting on the latest twists and turns in the Democratic presidential primary (won this week by Hillary Clinton in West Virginia), we thought we'd turn our attention to another race--this one people actually care about. It's to see who is our next American Idol.

Because of the media coverage Idol gets, it's possible to not watch the show and still be able to know what's going on. That means I've spared myself the humiliating auditions, "theme weeks" featuring artists whose biggest hits came long before the contestants were born, "Idol Gives Back", and judge Paula Abdul's occasional bouts with sanity. Did we forget to mention Simon Cowell?

But tonight, I took a break from Countdown with Keith Olbermann and the Stanley Cup Playoffs to watch the three remaining contestants--David Archuleta, Syesha Mercado and David Cook--go at it. They performed three songs each--one chosen by the judges, another by the producers, and another chosen by the finalists.

David Archuleta, the 17-year old front-runner (think Barack Obama) who looks like he could pass for Jerry Mathers as Beaver Cleaver, performed the following:

• Paula Abdul's pick "And So It Goes", originally done by Billy Joel. Nothing special.
• "With You" by Chris Brown. This contestants' pick was best described by Cowell as a "chihuahua trying to be a tiger".
• Producers' pick "Longer" by Dan Fogelberg. Sounded just like him, too.

Syesha Mercado, the Hillary Clinton of the group, did these:

• Alicia Keys' "If I Ain't Got You". This Randy Jackson choice was no "dawg".
• Channeling Beyonce in the Peggy Lee hit "Fever", with the help of a chair as a prop. Simon called it a "lame cabaret performance".
• Producers' choice "Hit Me Up", with Syesha doing a very good impression of Rihanna.

David Cook, the lone rocker (and designated John McCain) of the bunch, contributed these:

• The Roberta Flack classic "First Time Ever I Saw Your Face" (chosen by Cowell) was needlessly bombastic.
• Some number by the band Switchfoot, which was enhanced by Cook's guitar playing.
• The one Aerosmith tune you'll never hear on classic rock radio: "I Don't Want To Miss a Thing". What possessed the producers to think Cook could sing like Steven Tyler?

So what did we learn? Cook is on track to become the next Daughtry. Syesha will soon be performing at a dinner theater or cruise ship near you. And David Archuleta will be your next American Idol. Besides, who are we kidding? As long as preteen girls jam the AT&T phone lines with text messages supporting their heartthrob (at their parents' expense, of course), it's just a matter of time.