So You Wanna Be Famous

Hollywood Sign (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

"So you wanna be famous, huh?  Nowadays you don't need real talent to make it big.  All you need is a YouTube video of yourself singing 'Fancy' in the shower--it doesn't even have to be good--and a billion hits later, everybody wants you."

"Before we go any further, I wanna ask a few questions.  Forgive me if they're too personal for you."

"How are things at home?  Are your parents still alive?  Or are they divorced, drunk or dead?  Did you graduate?  Just barely?  How's that job flipping burgers going?  Are you in a relationship?"

"Well, you can kiss all that goodbye once Hollywood comes knocking.  Once you sign that contract, you're off and running.  Record deals.  Blockbuster movies with your name above the title.  A hit TV show.  And more money than you've ever seen in your life."

"There's also the perks.  Beautiful women.  World premieres.  Big-ass cars and mansions.  Great seats at the ballgame.  Endorsement deals.  You name it, and it's yours."

"But there's always a downside.  There's no privacy.  TMZ and the Enquirer will be all over you and whoever you date like a cheap suit.  And no matter how much you put into your work, it's never going to be enough.  The pressure will be on you to create the next great work of art, and it will probably not be as good as the first.  'Cause not everyone can be a Michelangelo, or even a Warhol."

"Then one day, it all comes crashing down.  The hits stop coming.  Your last movie tanked at the box office.  The network cancels your TV show.  Why?  Well, maybe you've been in and out of jail a bit too much.  Maybe you mouthed off or flashed your private parts on TV because you were drunk or high on cocaine, and it went viral.  Or maybe your adoring public just got sick of you."

"It gets worse.  Your house and car are repoed because of back taxes.  People quit following you on Twitter.  Your wife or lover leaves you for someone else.  And you spend whatever money you have left on booze and the white stuff, no matter how many times you've been to rehab."

"Now you're standing at the abyss.  You have a choice to make.  You can either get help to get off the drugs and the booze, or you could kill yourself.  Now I ain't recommending it, but if you did that the media would pay attention to you once more, and people would wonder why you did what you did.  Meanwhile, they'll buy up and download all the stuff you ever did because, you know, death sells."

"So I'll ask again.  You still want to be famous?"