2009: Teachable Moments

So class, what have we learned from 2009?

The sins of the George W. Bush administration have been passed along to President Barack Obama, who campaigned on the promise of hope and change.  Today there isn't much hope, and the more things change, the more things remain the same.

There is still war in Iraq and Afghanistan, and probably will be for the foreseeable future.

The recession isn't over if people can't find jobs, and are skittish about spending even if they're employed.

Christmas Day almost became 12/25 had a suspected terrorist been successful in blowing up an airliner bound for Detroit.

Bipartisanship is a thing of the past.

General Motors is now Government Motors.

Scandals, sexual and otherwise, continue to plague politicians, celebrities and athletes.  And the sun rises in the East.

Making yourself rich on other people's money is proof that greed is still good--unless you get caught.  Just ask Bernie Madoff and Tom Petters.

Conservative talk show hosts are capable of setting the agenda for a major political party.

Minnesotans went six months without a second U.S. Senator before Al Franken was finally declared the winner over Norm Coleman.

Governor Tim Pawlenty, when he wasn't running for President, acted like King of Minnesota when he swung the budget axe without any help from the Legislature.

Meanwhile, Jesse Ventura has a new TV show about conspiracy theories.

Thanks to Sonia Sotomayor, the Supreme Court looks more like America with each passing year.

Until his death, the most trusted man in America was Walter Cronkite.  Now it's Jon Stewart.

Anyone can be a star on reality TV, whether they deserve it or not (Susan Boyle, the Kardashian family, Jon and Kate Gosselin).  And then there are the publicity seekers (Adam Lambert, "Octomom", the Solahis, and the parents of "Balloon Boy").

There really are limits to Facebook and Twitter.

Newspapers are an endangered species.

Not even a self-absorbed rap star can take away Taylor Swift's brilliant year.

The death of Michael Jackson meant that the world lost a pop icon, and the tabloids lost a meal ticket.

The death of Ted Kennedy meant that liberals lost their champion in the Senate, and the tabloids are running out of Kennedys to exploit.

Had a self-promoting blogger not asked a question about same-sex marriage at a nationally-televised beauty pageant, the world would never have heard of Carrie Prejean.

Only Sarah Palin can quit her day job, which was being Governor of Alaska, then use her book tour to convince folks that she can be a viable candidate for President.

Only Michele Bachmann can make outrageous claims about her vision for America, yet keep her congressional seat.

Vampire movies and TV shows aimed at teenage girls still suck . . . profits.

Will the real Lady Gaga (or is it Gag Gag?) please stand up?

Lou Dobbs needs to check his birth certificate.

Jay Leno does not belong in prime time.

The NFL gives second chances to anyone who can play football.  Even Michael Vick.

For Alex Rodriguez, who had been accused of steroid use, winning the World Series with the Yankees was the best deodorant.

Speaking of John Madden, he can stay home and watch football for a change.

The Twins improbably win another division title.  Brett Favre dons a purple Numner 4 and leads the Vikings to a division title.  The Wild and Timberwolves are starting over with new coaches and players.  And the Gopher football team has a new home, but are still playing in the same third-rate bowl game with a mediocre record.

2010 has got to be better than this.

Class dismissed.