The MPR "Membership Drive" Survival Guide (Sort of)

Minnesota Public Radio is presently involved in its membership drive, also known as its latest attempt to separate money from people's bank accounts. That means normally serious hosts are forced to rattle the tin cup for good ol' MPR during Morning Edition or All Things Considered, threatening to whack beloved programs if listeners don't pay up. At least we're not inundated with classic rock and doo-wop specials, with Celtic Woman thrown in.

MPR has cornered the market on public radio in the state of Minnesota, gobbling up all but a few non-commercial FM signals. They also own stations in Los Angeles, Miami, Sun Valley, Idaho and the Upper Peninsula of Michigan. They also do business as American Public Media, which syndicates such programs as A Prairie Home Companion and The Splendid Table (which, they keep telling people, are NOT National Public Radio programs). And they're also in the process of moving from one shiny building in St. Paul to another. So . . . tell us again why MPR wants our money?

If you'd rather not listen to all that shilling, which can seem longer than commercial breaks after an extended block of music, the pickings on the radio dial are slim.

There's Tom Barnard on KQRS-FM 92.5, the local version of Howard Stern. After listening to Barnard and company, you might need to take a shower.

There's WCCO-AM 830. However, they take great pains to sound as bland as possible, so as not to offend the assisted living residents who make up the majority of its audience. It's been that way for decades.

There's KFAN-AM 1130. Unless you like "jock around the clock" and the conservative political philosophy that goes along with it, don't bother.

There's the conservative talk stations (KSTP-AM 1500, KTLK-FM 100.3 and WWTC-AM 1280). If you have a clean bill of health and don't mind liberal-bashing, then these stations are for you.

There's KTNF-AM 950, until recently known as "Air America Minnesota". If you have a clean bill of health and don't mind Bush-and Cheney-bashing, then this station is also for you.

Or you can always turn on the music stations. Some of you, we understand, don't care for corporate-dictated playlists, which are the same songs you've heard a billion times. And the latest on Lindsay Lohan and Britney Spears are what passes for news and information on those stations.

Short of exhausting your CD or MP3 collection over a temporary situation, may we make a suggestion? Would it be possible to take up a collection to satisfy MPR's budget for an entire year, in exchange for NEVER bugging us about how financially desperate they are ever again?