Minnesota Twins 2008: Hello! My Name Is . . .

Two years before the Metrodome gives way to a new ballpark in downtown Minneapolis (which will probably be named for a technology company or a financial services firm, much to the disappointment of local sports scribe Patrick Reusse, who's lobbying for General Mills so they could name it "Wheaties Field"), the Minnesota Twins are in the process of putting a team on the field worthy of those halcyon days of 1982 and 1998.

Johan Santana, Torii Hunter, Carlos Silva and Lew Ford are all gone, either via trade or free agency. In their place are unknown quantities (in terms of name recognition and level of talent) Carlos Gomez, Brendan Harris, Mike Lamb, Adam Everett and Craig Monroe.

To be sure, the penny-pinching Twins did pick up Delmon Young (best known for allegedly flipping a bat in front of an umpire) from Tampa Bay in the Garza trade, plus erratic free agent pitcher Livan Hernandez. You've heard of them, no doubt?

The biggest question mark has to be Francisco Liriano, who was a phenomenal pitcher during the 2006 season before he blew out his arm and had to have Tommy John surgery, resulting in his spending the 2007 season in recovery. Liriano will start the season in the minors, but will likely never be the same pitcher he was before.

The Twins' remaining stars--Joe Mauer (who will remain injury-prone as long as he's the starting catcher), Justin Morneau (bringing in the crowds from Winnipeg and Thunder Bay. The Canadian dollar is stronger now, eh?) and closer Joe Nathan (who has a new long-term deal, which means the team isn't always allergic to spending money on talent)--should help keep things interesting for awhile. As long as the ship doesn't sink.

And sink it will because, with the American League Central Division having two playoff contenders in Detroit and Clevaland, along with the improving Chicago White Sox and Kansas City, the Twins have a good shot at last place.

Looking Into The Crystal Baseball

Instead of your typical pre-season baseball preview, we thought we'd look into the future, where the onetime National Pastime seeks to reinvent itself in the wake of drug scandals and declining attendance and TV ratings. So they came up with some radical solutions:

• Expand the major leagues from 30 to 32 teams with the addition of Las Vegas and the Meadowlands in New Jersey.
• No more National and American leagues. They are now the Abner Doubleday Conference and the Bud Selig Conference, respectively. Divisions, which have been increased from six to eight with four teams each, are named for legendary players and significant executives. That's taking a page from the National Hockey League, which used to name its conferences and divisions after people instead of geographic directions (Prince of Wales Conference, Norris Division, and so on),

Abner Doubleday Conference (formerly National League)

Willie Mays Division New York Mets, Philadelphia Phillies, Pittsburgh Pirates, Baltimore Orioles.

Roberto Clemente (or Ty Cobb, if you prefer) Division Atlanta Braves, Washington Nationals, Tampa Bay Rays, Florida Marlins.

Branch Rickey Division St. Louis Cardinals, Chicago Cubs, Cleveland Indians, Cincinnati Reds.

Jackie Robinson Division Los Angeles Dodgers, San Francisco Giants, San Diego Padres, Arizona Diamondbacks.

Bud Selig Conference (formerly American League)

Babe Ruth Division New York Yankees, Boston Red Sox, Toronto Blue Jays, New Jersey.

Clark Griffith Division Minnesota Twins, Chicago White Sox, Milwaukee Brewers, Detroit Tigers.

Connie Mack (Gene Autry) Division Los Angeles Angels, Oakland Athletics, Seattle Mariners, Las Vegas.

Nolan Ryan Division Colorado Rockies, Kansas City Royals, Texas Rangers, Houston Astros.

• With the division changes comes a new playoff format. Six teams from each conference (four division champions and two wild card teams) would face each other, with first-round byes going to two teams with the best records.
• The World Series would now be played in early November at a neutral site in a best-of-seven format, most likely in domes and warm-weather cities.

As for whether all of this has a chance in hell of actually occurring, the Crystal Baseball is hazy. Or maybe it just turned into a disco ball. Or--wait! It just exploded!

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Meanwhile, back in the real world, here's who we think will make it to October 2008:

American League East Boston Red Sox

Central Detroit Tigers

West Los Angeles Angels

Wild Card Cleveland Indians

National League East New York Mets

Central Milwaukee Brewers

West Arizona Diamondbacks

Wild Card Philadelphia Phillies

Let the arguments begin.

Close Enough for Government Work

Today we have two examples of your government at work. Specifically, it's about how otherwise well-meaning bureaucrats sometimes get a little lax in record-keeping, leading to public relations gaffes with wide-ranging consequences.

• As United States passports are now required to enter Canada and Mexico (and maybe in the near future Alaska, Hawaii and Puerto Rico), there is a backlog of applications, leading to situations where security might be compromised. Two contract workers employed by the State Department were let go for allegedly peeking into the passports of Senators Hillary Clinton, Barack Obama and John McCain (at least it was bi-partisan). Secretary of State Condoleeza Rice apologized to the presidential candidates, and the whole thing is under review. But that's not all. There are reports that the passports of Hollywood celebrities have been peeked at, too (Well, you know that most of them don't roll with the Bush administration). It sounds like somebody got a bit curious and did this just for kicks. But it's also possible that the federal government doesn't do enough to screen out employees with more sinister motives, such as using other people's Social Security numbers for their own purposes. Something to think about the next time you're planning a trip to Toronto or Cancun.
• Sara Jane Olson had been living a quiet life for two decades as a wife and mother in St. Paul, Minnesota. Then the TV show America's Most Wanted, through an FBI tip, outed her as fugitive-from-justice Kathleen Soliah--onetime member of the Symbionese Liberation Army, whose best-known captive was Patricia Hearst. Olson/Soliah skipped California in 1975 after being charged with attempting to bomb police cars, and with the shooting death of a Sacramento bank customer during a robbery attempt. She was convicted of both crimes and sent to prison. Recently, Olson was released, only to be intercepted at Los Angeles International Airport and sent back to prison. According to California's Department of Corrections and Rehabilitation, a clerical error in figuring out Olson's sentence resulted in her leaving prison a year before she was supposed to. Olson's attorney isn't buying it, citing pressure from police and victims rights groups in keeping her locked up. Olson's sentence now has another year to run. But this incident could mean she'll never leave prison again.

And what have we learned? To anyone who has been a victim of bureaucratic snafus caused by incompetent employees, you have our deepest sympathise. And a warning to everybody else.

Iraq Five Years Later: A Lost Cause?

Since President George W. Bush declared war on the regime of Saddam Hussein on this day in 2003, there's been a whole lot of shock and awe. It was all provided after the invasion, with Americans bearing the brunt of it.

To date, nearly 4000 U.S. soldiers are dead and nearly 30,000 are wounded. The number of Iraqi casualties (depending on who you ask) range somewhere between 80,000 and 90,000.

There's no point in rehashing the reasons why the war began, and why it continues to this day. President Bush and his cronies believed the reports about weapons of mass destruction and Saddam's link to Osama bin Laden, even when they were proven wrong. If the low approval ratings are any indication, January 20, 2009 can't get here soon enough.

Right now, there is an increased number of American soldiers patrolling the streets of Baghdad and environs. We hear the violence has actually been reduced. We don't know if that's really true, or if that's just spin provided by the Pentagon with the intention of getting more money from Congress to keep the war going.

The presidential candidates disagree on how long soldiers should stay in Iraq. Both Democratic Senators Hillary Clinton and Barack Obama say they should leave as soon as possible after they take office. Republican Senator John McCain, an old military hand, believes they should stay as long as it takes to achieve victory--even if it takes a hundred years.

We've been hearing stories about soldiers serving their third or fourth (who's counting?) tours of duty in Iraq, and they're not very happy about it. Let's see: There is no draft. No one forced them to go to Iraq. They signed up for this war in the belief that they are defending America in the wake of 9/11. Iraq poses no threat to national security, except in the minds of the Bush administration. The last time America actually had to be defended was during World War II. So what are they whining about?

No matter how the war in Iraq turns out, whether it's months or decades, America has already lost in terms of credibility at home and abroad. And it will be many years before the wounds heal.

Questions About Obama's Audacious Speech

Senator Barack Obama's speech yesterday in Philadelphia may have eloquently addressed the racial divisions in this country, and why he denounced the views of the Reverend Jeremiah Wright, whose controversial snippets of rhetoric have been all over TV and the Internet. Heck, with all those American flags as the backdrop in the room where Obama was speaking, the senator looked oh-so-presidential.

But there are still too many questions that needed to be answered about the speech. Such as:

• Was it necessary for Obama to address the topic of racism at this time because the furor over Wright's comments forced his hand? Or was it because, as a biracial man, he would have had to talk about it anyhow?
• Why did Obama sit through Wright's sermons for two decades without so much as a peep? Now that he's a presidential candidate, did the senator consider the possibility that Wright's words would one day come back to haunt him politically? And why does he still defend the minister, comparing him to a crazy relative?
• Did Obama's maternal (white) grandmother really like being exposed as a woman who feared black men and uttered racial and ethnic epithets?
• What does this speech do to Obama's chances for the White House? Will the delegates who have been supporting him continue to stand by him, or switch to Senator Hillary Clinton? Will the conservatives who damned the speech with faint praise have an even better feeling about Senator John McCain's chances in November?

Oh, and one more question: Since most of the country only heard about the speech through soundbites on the evening news, why wasn't this on in prime time?

Obama and the Company He Keeps (At a Distance)

With two of the three surviving presidential candidates getting into political hot water over the things their surrogates said or did--Senator John McCain and a Cincinnati talk radio host, Senator Hillary Clinton and former vice-presidential candidate Geraldine Ferraro, it was only a matter of time before Senator Barack Obama stepped into it.

The Reverend Jeremiah Wright is a retired pastor of Trinity United Church of Christ in Chicago, which describes itself as "Unashamedly Black and Unapologetically Christian". Obama and his wife were married by Wright, who has remained a friend and spiritual mentor until recently.

Now Obama is distancing himself from Wright. Tapes of sermons that were broadcast on ABC News show Wright making incendiary remarks over a period dating back to 2001. Among the highlights:

• Following the 9/11/01 attacks, Wright claimed that the government had brought the attacks upon itself. "America's chickens are coming home to roost", he said.
• Recently, Wright claimed that Obama doesn't have nearly as many advantages as Hillary Clinton, such as skin color, when it came to running for president. He even used the N word in describing Clinton.

It's possible that Wright's words may have been taken out of context, the clips chosen by ABC to get a rise out of white voters and the Bush administration. It's also possible that Wright may have a point. It's the way that he said it that's all wrong. Indeed, according to CNN.com, the church released a statement defending the former pastor and criticizing the media for assassinating his character.

As a presidential candidate, Obama (and Clinton and McCain) must moderate whatever views they may have on certain issues to attract the widest possible audience. That means they have to separate themselves from the loose cannons in their lives, whether it's campaign staffers or spiritual advisers, if they want to get elected.

As representatives of the U.S. government, the candidates can't go around trashing their own country. It's as if they have to check their First Amendment rights at the door the moment they run for office.

Obama has enough problems living down the perception that he's not ready to lead the country, without having to deal with controversial preachers and allegedly shady developers. But, as the delegate battle with Hillary Clinton gets tighter and tighter, the more we see of Barack Obama, the less there is to like.

The Next American Tragedy

Eliot Spitzer is out as New York's governor because he risked his corruption-busting reputation on a woman he allegedly paid thousands of dollars to have sex with, all recorded by federal wiretaps.

The investigation continues, thus Spitzer has not been charged with a crime, federal or otherwise, nor has he confessed to any of the allegations. But his political career is pretty much over.

As for Spitzer's marriage? His wife Silda has been a figure of curiosity through these stunning turn of events, standing by her man at his resignation speech (well, statement is more like it) when she had every right not to. We've seen this before from Hillary Clinton during the Monica Lewinsky thing to Cindy McCain in the recent mini-scandal involving her husband, being trotted out looking like deer in the headlights. We're not relationship experts (we'll leave that to Dr. Phil and his ilk), but maybe these politicians' wives didn't want to let go of the spotlight just because their spouses got caught between the sheets with another woman.

The woman who Spitzer allegedly paid plenty of money for a good time is, according to court documents, Ashley Alexandra Dupre. Also known as Ashley Youmans. Also known as Kristen. According to her web page, she's an aspiring singer who enjoys her work, so to speak. Expect plenty of inquiries from record labels, TV talk shows and men's magazines.

Beyond all the jokes on late-night TV, however, prostitutes like Ashley Whatever-her-name-is have a hard life. They got that way either through having an abusive past, were kidnapped form another country, or were promised money and fame only to turn tricks for paying customers. And they find it all but impossible to leave the lifestyle. Those who do, and live to tell about it, tend to have a difficult time readjusting to society.

But most of all, what happened to a supposed straight-arrow like Eliot Spitzer confirms our worst inclinations about people who choose to go into politics. He just made it harder for the next Don Quixote to tilt at the windmills of government without people jeering at him.

It's Hard Out There for a Politician

Senator Barack Obama of Illinois won this week's Democratic presidential primary in Mississippi by an overwhelming margin over Senator Hillary Clinton of New York, stretching his lead in the delegate count. Okay, we knew that was going to happen. What we didn't anticipate were a couple of faux pas by a couple of Democrats past and present who should have known better.

• Elliot Spitzer became Governor of New York in 2007 after gaining notice as as risk-taking prosecutor and Attorney General who took on the corporate crooks, and usually won. Now Spitzer has been forced to resign, effective on Monday, because of a New York Times report linking him to an alleged prostitution ring, for which he has apologized profusely to not only his constituents, but to his wife and three teenage daughters as well. We've all seen this movie before, where the powerful politician who promises to clean up the mess in Washington or the state capitol somehow forgets to apply it to his own life. The new governor, David Paterson, is African-American and visually impaired. Not that there's anything wrong with it, but the mainstream media will make sure you know about it.
• Geraldine Ferraro made history during the 1984 presidential campaign when she became the first (and so far only) female Vice Presidential candidate alongside Democratic nominee Walter Mondale. Now, at a moment when Hillary Clinton is making her own kind of history, Ferraro (who is a supporter) may be in a position to sabotage it because she thinks Barack Obama has been getting a free ride to the White House as an African-American. She told the Daily Breeze of Torrence, California: "If Obama was a white man, he would not be in this position. And if he was a woman, he would not be in this position. He happens to be very lucky to be who he is. And the country is caught up in the concept." Both candidates regarded the comment as absurd, but calls for Clinton to drop Ferraro from the campaign have gone unheeded. Ferraro later told the same newspaper she was being attacked for her previous comments because she was white. No, Ms. Ferraro, you're being attacked because you suffer from foot-in-mouth disease.

Meanwhile, John McCain must be licking his chops watching the Democrats implode, as if watching his own party crumble wasn't enough.

Mourning In Cheeseland

From Superior to Racine, Hudson to Sheboygan, Wausau to Madison and points in between, there is anguish in America's Dairyland.

Brett Favre has retired from the Green Bay Packers after 17 seasons, saying he could no longer play at the level he needed to be on. He'd been hinting at leaving for years, only to put on the pads and helmet and amaze us once again. This time, he made good on his threat.

Three times Favre was the National Football League's most valuable player, leading the Packers to the playoffs in 11 years, and two Super Bowl appearances.

As for the individual records:

• 253 consecutive games as a starting quarterback.
• 5,377 career completions.
• 160 wins by a starting quarterback.
• 442 touchdown passes
• 8,758 passing attempts
• 288 interceptions (the last pass Favre ever threw was into the arms of a New York Giants defender in the NFC Championship Game at Lambeau Field)
• 61,655 passing yards

The records are all the more impressive, given the trials and tribulations Favre went through during his career that were worthy of Nashville: a wife with breast cancer, the death of his father, addictions of the pharmaceutical and liquid variety, a home in Mississippi destroyed by Hurricane Katrina, and injuries that threatened to interrupt his rewriting the record book.

For 17 seasons, Favre had been not only the face of the Packers, but of the NFL as well. Sure, there's Tom Brady dating supermodels and the Manning brothers doing TV commercials, but they're not the folk hero Favre was. Whether you rooted for the Packers or not, he made the game into something Lambeau Field hasn't seen since the Vince Lombardi era.

All we can say is, Favre's longtime understudy Aaron Rodgers has a lot to live up to.

The Race Goes On

People have been telling Senator Hillary Clinton of New York, prior to the Texas and Ohio primaries, that she should get out of the presidential sweepstakes because Senator Barack Obama of Illinois has the delegates and the momentum to win the Democratic nomination.

Her response? Go on Saturday Night Live and The Daily Show to counteract her chilly reputation. Release a TV ad reminding voters why she should be the one to pick up the phone in the middle of the night during a national crisis, rather than a novice with an eloquent speaking voice. And telling anyone who'll listen that she's in it for the long haul.

The results? Clinton won the all-important states of Ohio, Texas and Rhode Island. Obama's long winning streak was broken after taking Vermont.

No matter what the eventual outcome is in Texas, it looks as if this one is going down to the wire, with Pennsylvania holding their primary in late April. And if that doesn't do it for either candidate, there's always the convention in Denver.

The eventual survivor gets to face Senator John McCain of Arizona, who swept all four of tonight's primary states to claim the mathematical Republican nomination. Former Arkansas governor Mike Huckabee finally threw in the towel as the last remaining contender, but we might see him again in 2012.

McCain will get President George W. Bush's seal of approval at the White House tomorrow, then he'll begin his battle not just with the Democratic challenger, but also with wacko preachers and right-wing talk show hosts who don't think he's conservative enough. Then he has to convince the country that, among other things, the "surge" really is working in Iraq.

There's one disadvantage to wrapping up a nomination so early. McCain's in danger of being left in the dust while we watch the two history-makers duke it out. Isn't this fun?

Bill Carlson: Last Of The Versatile Broadcasters

When Bill Carlson began working at WCCO-TV in 1959 after starting out at WCCO Radio a few years earlier, it wasn't unusual for anyone in the business to do a little bit of everything. If you weren't delivering the news or hosting a show, you were doing commercials, handled station breaks, worked in sales, swept floors, etc.

Carlson handled many of those things, including teen dance shows (as the local version of Dick Clark, you might say), weather, parade coverage, Minnesota State Fair appearances, "Midday" and the late-night "This Must Be The Place". All that experience led him to his later role as an arts and entertainment reporter, interviewing celebrities and reviewing the latest movies.

Carlson anchored the noon news for many years until station management removed him in 2003, not realizing how popular he was with viewers. He was reinstated later in the year under different management

As Carlson developed prostate cancer, his appearances on the noon news dwindled as he was getting treatment. On February 29, at the age of 73, he died at his home in Eden Prairie surrounded by family including his wife Nancy Nelson, a local TV personality in her own right.

The first ten minutes of WCCO's 10 p.m. newscast that night was devoted to Carlson's life and career.

Bill Carlson was considered a class act by those who watched him and those who worked with him. He also represented something we'll never see again: The broadcaster who mastered just about anything he did.